Why is it easier to find crack, than it is to watch the Olsen twins?

Okay there’s a legit REAL crime going on right now that no one cares about, BUT ME. Unlike that Russian Collusion bullshit or the belief that Hillary is in good health, this isn’t fake news. For some cruel & unknown reason, legit no tv shows or movies of Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen appear on ANY streaming services. Not on Netflix, Hulu or even wack ass Prime. THIS IS SOMETHING THE U.N. NEEDS TO ADDRESS. Where’s the congressional investigations? I’m about to call for an amber alert for them like enough is enough. If the Olsen twins aren’t going to release them imma force them too.

Besides “It takes two”, which is owned by Warner Brothers, no other Olsen media can be found! Unless you wanna Pay $19.99 for one movie on iTunes. Like I love those girlies, but they ain’t that important, thats like two rum & cokes downtown. How can the Olsen twins live with themselves knowing that they are robbing America’s youth of some sassy, girl power television, unlike the shit they watch today on youtube. From “Passport in Paris” to “Switching Goals”, these girls could deadass have their own Netflix. Every movie was set in a new city with new BOYYYS. Those girls got more men than Kylie Jenner.

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Young girls need this shit instead of the bullshit they see on tv currently. You have two young girlies legit being independent as fuck, solving crimes with no mans at all. And this was before feminism was mainstream! Sadly in today’s age, if you’re an independent bitch who needs no mans, society assumes you scissor. They built their own company, Dualstar, at the age of 6, thats a story all girls need to hear. Not that you were able to get a fucking retweet from Jake Paul’s bitch ass. Would rather be fucked with a chainsaw, TBH. The Olsen twins are the definition of Boss babes. They could die in a hole and still be millionaires, if I died my parents would owe money to Sally Mae’s greedy ass.
The Olsen twins own their own company so it’s just cruel that they are withholding this from us. Like y’all own that shit so release it, STOP being fucking teases. This isn’t y’alls nudes, its a fucking cinematic masterpiece. We understand you’re hella rich but we ain’t, let us poor bitches enjoy your movies, while still being poor. I honestly feel as if we will NEVER get these released. Hollywood only puts stuff on streaming services when they type poor and need some cash for their coke problem. Sadly, the Olsen twins are OVER their druggy/anorexia stage, & their clothing line is a billion dollar company so basically we have a better chance at seeing that wall. They’re basically holding my childhood hostage & its like no one cares.
As a child you knew things were about to get lit when you hear, “Island in the Sun” at the start of “Holiday in the Sun” like AYYYYYYYYY. I seriously still make scrambled eggs using a ziplock bag because in, “Billboard Dad”, Ashley used a ziplock bag <3. As you can tell, I’m basically the third Olsen twin, move over Elizabeth.

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These girlies didn’t just make movies, they fucking made tv shows too! Only basic bitches refer to “Full House” as their favorite Olsen twins tv show. Girl you best start at “The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen” and end at “So Little Time”. Seriously, at the age of 6, those girlies were solving more crime than the NYPD. Due to the fact that I was a fucking loser growing up, my weekends consisted of popping in a “You’re invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley” vhs and acting like I was actually invited somewhere. Unlike the cruel kids in my grade, Mary-Kate & Ashley invited me over every week.


Homegirls had a better life than most college kids, going from Sea World one episode to a fucking cruise the next. And Obvs they had every crime solved before dinnertime, unlike our too busy being pricks,  police force. I told President Trump that all illegals hate the Olsen twins so let just hope he gets inspired and he gets our baby girls on TV asap. So fingers crossed this works!

Xoxo Sir Dutches

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