Reasons why I’m single:

1. Everyone’s W2’s just AREN’T impressing me. It’s like I don’t need anyone poor in my life. Being with someone broke is like donating to a charity everyday, except you DON’T get a tax write off. Broke Boyssss honestly suck! They mooch of you and end up making YOU pay for your OWN birthday dinner. They milk you dry and hop on to the next bitch, WELL NOT WITH ME papi. I want proof your ass has cash, if you refuse to show me your W2’s I got maddd girlies who work in banks, I WILL get that info. Now you’re prob like omg that’s harsh what if they’re in college? Well luckily I’m like Obamacare, you can claim your parents income as long as I get to see a copy of the will. I want to know exactly how much you will be getting and when. I don’t need no surprises, like you’re not in the will because daddy hates you. Or you can’t touch your trust till you’re 40. Like no, I want NO games. If I have to pull an Anna Nicole Smith & marry someone old then pull the plug I WILL.

2. People be type ugly. I’m sorry but when people say, its what inside that counts, they are SOO lying! Who wants to wake up next to someone mad ugly? That’s like living in a scary movie, NO THANK YOU! Ugly people are so scary and uncomfortable to be around. No one wants to double date with an ugly couple. I don’t understand how some of y’all be with some of these dudes, they deadass look like a rapist. Learn to appreciate and respect yourself or at least get your eyes checked out.

3. Because I fucking want too. Unlike a majority of you, I REFUSE to settle. Maddd of you be reducing yourself to be with type bunk people. You CAN do better! Be single and enjoy it. Stop being with busted ass Billy who drives a beat up Honda Civic & is da plug but you always be playing for dinner and his phone bill after it gets shut off every other month because car parts are more important. Some people are with someone just to be with someone because they can’t be single. Well being with a LOSER is way more embarrassing than being single. At least single people get invited places!

4. People are fake and refuse to submit an within 2 week STD check. Like they’re making it into a big deal than it needs to be. Walk your ass down to planned parenthood and get check! It’s free! Hell we can even be type cute and make a date out of it. I’ll pay for the frappe’s before. However I WILL dead your ass if you’re dirty. Why even waste my time with someone gross. So our kids can be gross too? NO THANK YOU. Syracuse be having madd shit going around. Hep C, the clap and scary ass aids are like everywhere because mad people have it and have legit no clue. So they spread their nasty shit all around town like wildfire. Hook up apps only be making it worse! That’s why I’m working on the first hook up app where once a month you have to submit your STD test results and every year your most recent tax returns. RichBoyzOnly:the App. Having an STD is so nasty, don’t TOUCH me till I see your papers. Being dirty isn’t cute.

5. My friends are fucking rude. Legit all my close girlies are SOOO protective of daddy, they refuse to let an outsider mentally or physically hurt me, which is cute because you can’t hurt someone who’s already dead inside. It’s like as soon as someone else starts giving daddy some loving, his girlies get jealous and make a scene by posting nudes on Snapchat. It’s honestly thirsty and pathetic.

So in short, if you wanna get with me there’s something you outta know. I want your W2’s and proof your clean down low.

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