I was almost on a reality TV show and THANK GOD it didnt work out!

As we all know, Daddy is a huge fan of reality TV. I’m sorry let me rephrase that, I’m a HUGE fan of Bravo reality TV. From “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” to “Vanderpump Rules” and now the greatest reality show ever, American Politics. This love has made me always want to be on a reality show. I truly believe America would love to watch me on “Big Brother” or “The Challenge”. Being so sassy and cute but also WINNING! This love and the fact that I was jobless after the “Hillary Clinton jealously incident of 2016″(legit I wrote a book about it),  I decided to apply for MADD reality shows. I would make these adorably cute entry videos that got no feed back till a game show called me. I wont say the name because they don’t deserve the attention but lets just say it involved celebrities. This audition was via Skype and it went good but Daddy didn’t make it. I assume this was because I would out shine anyone on the show, including the celebrities.

I believe when you don’t get what you want, its because God has something better coming along. Legit a week later, I’m at work and I get a call. Let me back track, this was when I was living down south, working for THE worst job ever. This bunk ass car rental company that was a glorified pyramid scheme. The only way you move up, is by conning poor people into getting car insurance. As you can tell, I HATED this job.

Customers loved me because I legit didn’t care, meanwhile all the other employees would basically suck a customers dick in order to sell that insurance. Don’t get me wrong for a short trip yeah I would get it but a majority of these customers are getting their car fixed,  times that $20 a day by 30 days and you do the math. Any chance to get out of office, I WOULD TAKE IT! Any customer who need a ride home, my ass was already out front in the car waiting, saying “Get in the car bitch, daddys gotta leave these dump”.  After I dropped this rude ass customer off I get a call, that shows up as Los Angeles, CA. I answer it thinking its either someone famous coming to save daddy or most likely Salle Mae asking, “where my money at bitch”? I answer and its a casting agency! I legit was shaking, I was that hyped, the person asked if I had time to talk, I said, for you baby I have ALL THE TIME! She said this would take only 10 minutes, this convo lasted an hour. This person and I bonded, mentally and physically, it was truly amazing. She was like, can we Skype next week so you can meet our producers? I was like girl OBVS!

Meanwhile, during this call, my job is blowing up my phone asking where I am? Am I okay? YES IM OKAY! I’m trying to become rich y’all, LET ME BE! I was floating on air, I was so hyped to see what will happen next. To make things even crazier, an hour later I get a call from her again, “Actually we loved you so much can we Skype tonight”? UMMM YES! I legit raced home after work, got all cute and was ready to shine!  This Skype interview was a glorified hype up daddy fest. Legit for about two hours we talked about EVERYTHING, from my childhood tales of being the victim to becoming to bully to all my drama with Hillary Clinton. THEY LOVED IT!

I told them how I was writing a book about my experience there called, “Not Gay Enough: MY two weeks of hell with the Clinton campaign). To be honest I was lowkey faded for this because I was SO NERVOUS! Because of that I legit was prob talking WAYY to much. Telling them about my movie, TV and book ideals. My amazingly spunky T-shirt line and lastly my favorite book I’m writing, “Wait YOU fired ME, okayyyy: A 5 part novel of the 5 jobs I’ve been fired from”. Remember all this later one when I discuss the “Contract” they sent me.  I also lowkey lied and said I was in boy scouts for like 10 years…..legit lies. I was in boy scouts for about 2 days before I realized I was either going to get molested or turn into a weird ass wilderness werido. Screw them and all their badges.

My proof I was in “Boy Scouts”
Oh shit they’re on to me….

This is where the story gets good. They wanted proof I was in Boy Scouts, so conveniently I legit was a boy scout for Halloween so I had proof. But….sadly that wasn’t good enough. They legit emailed me asking for more proof. I was SHAKING! I legit was about to go to a costume shop to buy a costume. BUT my role model/aunt/life mentor Karen was like I think my son might have one. So I raced home and ripped up his room and their attic and finally I found it! It was small and shit and said Port City, NC on it but YOLO!  I legit made a photo shoot in their backyard it was honestly hilarious. If anyone was watching they deff would of thought I was making a NRA recruitment video.

Lmaooo I’m so stupid

I sent the photos and sat back and waited why they made a video package to present to the network on me. They wanted me to be the sassy fun one everyone loves who lowkey is causing all the drama. PERFECT FOR ME! Right? I finally get a call back and they wanted me on! They were going to send a contract over for me to sign and then in two weeks fly me to LA to meet everyone. I legit thought this was it, this was finally daddys big break. I was ABOUT to sign the contract when THANK GOD my aunt and uncle were like wait…..send us this contract. So I did…..legit if they didn’t read this over I would of been FUCKED!

So for starters it was a 10 year contract that certain parts fell off after a few years. This contract gave the network first rights to EVERYTHING I do creatively, so all my book/movie ideals, SirDutches.com and anything they could offer me a $1 dollar and I would of had to accept. LIKE WTF! It gets even better, they also had the right to test everyone on the island for STDs but they will NOT tell the cast the results. AND if you do hook up with someone and you get something, they have the right to record yours, your friend/family and co-workers reaction to you finding out. LIKE WTF IS THIS STD ISLAND!
To top it off,  I would get paid $1200 for my first two weeks then if I last, another $1200 for the last two but I wont see that money till after the last episode airs……so basically they wanted me to turn into a hooker.

Finally what pissed me off the most was I HAD to attend every reunion/after show special for ONLY $250 dollars. Ummm that won’t even cover my hotel expenses. And if you don’t believe any of this DADDY STILL HAS THE CONTRACT, I would post it on here but like I feel like thats a lawsuit waiting to happen.
What happened next just shows how AMAZING my friends are. I sent it to my main girl in Law School and she showed her class, it legit turned into a class discussion, “Should he sign this contract, yes or no”. I think you can assume what answer they agreed upon….. NO! Contracts like these are why people are stuck on those reality show and all their spin-offs. The contract forces them too or they will be jobless. Its honestly disgusting how far people will go to use you.

So I told them to F off and I’m way too creative to fall into that trap. Plus the show was canceled because the cast was ass (my audition was for the next season). Sometimes I think back on maybe I lost out on my big break but then I remember, God would NEVER allow that to happen. If that show was truly my big break, it would of happened. But luckily God loves me and shut that shit down real quick. Could you imagine if I did thou….my website would be owned by a cable network who would censor daddy!

Xoxo Jesus always been looking out for papi

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