Seeing people you no longer tolerate (hating someone takes wayyy too much energy & causes wrinkle lines) out in public is legit the worst. Unless you THRIVE on drama, which 2017 Matt did. 2018 Matt is way too busy to be involved in petty drama. However, I don’t tolerate being disrespected so I DO have time to completely cut people out of life. It takes less energy and just involves isolating yourself from negative energy. But living in a small town means you’re bound to run into each other. Below are MY tips for handing this type of situation. If you follow these tips you’ll end up looking AMAZING and way more sophisticated/mature in the end. Like daddy ALWAYS does.
1. Never look in their direction. Why even entertain the awkward eye contact. Shit is BEYOND uncomfortable and just not a good look for either of you. Pick a nice place in the bar, obviously in the opposite direction of the person and make that your go to staring spot. Anytime you’re craving a glance at “said person”, look at the spot instead. Not only will you look sexy & mysterious, but if you move your eye just a little you’ll be able to see if the person is looking at you! With my Kitty Kat eyes I’m the king at the side eye glance.
2. Never look at your phone. This makes you look hella bored and that you find your friend group to be basic bitches. This means you haven’t moved on to bigger and better things.
3. Always be laughing. This shows “said person” and the whole room that your friend group is legit the bees knees & a ball of fun!
4. Always have a drink in your hand with a straw. This is so you can twill your straw in an evil fashion to appear as if you’re brewing an master plan for revenge. Let people be confused at what you’re thinking.
5. Allow your friends to mingle. This shows your maturity & that honestly you just don’t care anymore. Making your friends choosing sides is childish and shows you’re BEYOND petty.
6. Always be posing. This is so when they take pictures of you to send in their group chat you look AMAZING. Lets be for real, we all know they’re talking shit about you. So LET them eat their cake & while you look like a boss bitch.
7. Sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes so people question where you are. Make people question, “Wheres Daddy”? Allow “said person” to look glance around the room for a hot min looking for you. Wondering, “Did he leave”?
8. Make sure your friend group is larger than theirs. Pay people to come if you have too. Having a small group means you’re struggling to make new friends. You wanna make “said person” think wow that group look bumping. IF your friends are boring, slip them some Molly, that will get thing real bumping quick. Okay that was a joke don’t EVER drug your friends thats scummy as fuck.
9. Leave and fake a VERY IMPORANT phone call. Do this to make yourself look very important and that people are begging to hang with you. Make sure you’re standing next to a window also, so everyone can see you. This allows “said person” to question, “Who is he talking too”!?! I thought all his friends where here?!
10. Stay humble, don’t be cocky, god shuns that. Don’t EVER be cocky, its not a cute look on ANYONE. Just because you think you’re better than someone honestly means you’re not. Ain’t nobody better than ANYONE. You shit DOES stink.
Xoxo I’m too busy to miss you 😘
Sir Dutches 
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