Daddy’s steps for from Dead to Ratchet in less than 10


I WANTED to do a sassy weekend fun video for my girlie, Junebug’s birthday but sadly daddy got 2 on. Meaning when the drink and tree be wayyyy too strong. Sadly the mix of cheap box wine, rumpski shots and papi’s classic rum & coke didn’t sit well. I started the night out strong, dancing and giggling the night away. But after my first rum & coke I started to feeling like a dead white girl after 2 Smirnoffs. Legit starring off into the distance trying my hardest honestly not to die.

Finally after dosing off and looking like a pathetic mess, my knight in shinning jean jacket armor, Misty Shay legit came up and smack the life into me. At first I was ready to throw down and fight the bitch, but then I realize how gross and basic I looked. I IMMEDIATELY took my steps to go from dead to ratchet in less than 10. Ill show you how to go from being on death’s door to owning that dance floor!

  1. If you can, get a glass of water with a LEMON(more on that later). Not only will it make you feel better, you’ll also look like you have a vodka water! So you’ll look turnt, well lowkey dying inside.
  2. Go to the bathroom asap, if it too busy or the bathroom is too small go outside. MAKE SURE YOUR LOCATION IS ON FIND MY FRIENDS, so you don’t die obvs.
  3. Go somewhere secluded but not too secluded where you’ll get kidnapped and sex trafficked. Look for a trash can so you can throw up in a respectable way and not get it all over you. If there’s none around, look for a bush, do NOT throw up on the floor as it will get all over your shoes and pants (as it did to me last night, so gross). If you throw up in a bush, stand straight then arch your mouth forward and shove your fingers down your throat and let your body do wonders. Legit this will not only help you in the short run, but also the long run as it save you from a nasty hang over tomorrow. Legit this has brought me from death to Beyonce.
  4. Go back to the bar and head for the bathroom and clean up any mess. Lock that door, don’t let bitches judge you!
  5. Now take that lemon from your drink and suck on it. This will take care of any nasty throw up breath. Now go kick Stacey off the dance floor sis, you basically were just resurrected.

If you follow these steps like I did, you’ll thank me more than Christ. I legit came back from that bar a new person with more pep then ever. Sadly I got throw up all over my shoes and pants but hey they only people who noticed that were the perverts looking at my junk.

Xoxo that good good NEVER causes you to puke your brains out, can I get a AMEN?

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