Daddy is super protective of his girlies, so when he found out they were getting evicted I was LIVID. But when I found out it was lowkey my fault, I was like oh shit my Bad?
The girls who lived below this spilt level house were honestly the definition of twats. Either they ate the landlords ass or they wanted too. Moral of the story is never trust the heffers below. Let me start this story at the beginning, before the skanks came out to play.
My girlie, Miss Alexis, roommate was leaving for brighter days, Connecticut. So baby girl needed a roommate ASAP. Our fellow Libra baby, Miss Goo Goo Boo had a friend who was also looking for a roommate! God works in mysterious ways! This girl’s name was Miss Caity and boy was she a total Betty.
It was truly a match made in weed heaven. We all naturally bonded and they found this AMAZING house diagonal from a corner store and across the street from grave yard! Perfect for daddy’s witch craft spells!
We all moved in and Caity pulled out the most AMAZING set of lights ever. One day we put them out on the front top porch and legit it was the talk of the town. The homies would stop and look and the boys in blue would honk at us while we dance the night away.
This amazing feeling of happiness and bliss would end when the nastiest hoes I’ve ever met moved downstairs. As soon as they set foot below we all instantly got a cold chill down our backs, as if Satan himself moved in. From that point on every thing was different. From their musty smell to their snitching ways, that cold chill was a sign that it was the start of a war.
At first we TIRED to be nice. Doing the classic “Hey, girl, hey”. But they weren’t the hey girl hey type. They go “hi”. In a way that made me question, what happened during their childhood to make them so cold?
The landlord was an Uber douchebag who wanted $50 a person to use the laundry machines in the basement. My girlies, being the smart entrepreneurs they are, asked the girls below, “Hey would you care if we say just you guys are getting the laundry and we’ll pay you guys $25 a piece so we can all use it and save some money”. These bitches legit go, “umm we’ll have to ask the landlord about that”. WTF don’t they know snitches get stitches? Forget they ASKED!
When we first met them, my girlies said, “if there’s any problem just message us directly”, these girls being the Judas of the North side said, “No problem!”. Fucking lairs.
Within 2 weeks they got their first complaint. The landlord called and said they were playing music too loud and the house “smelled”. We were honestly confused about the music because there was no one home at the time he called and the smell we got hyped! We thought he smelt those nasty bitches too and was going to say something. But INSTEAD, it was that it smelt like that “good good”. Okay don’t blame us, blame our dealer?
The landlord tried to say the person who complain was the next door neighbor… oh the DJ? Who plays his music mad loud and said he was going to give us a mixtape? Or the Mexican family who’s children LOVE US and the Abuelo always waves to us? Don’t play us STEVE! We know it’s the SKANKS downstairs. My baby girls were NOT happy, they went downstairs to confront these petty ass bitches.
At first they were pleasant but when my girl asked why they didn’t just message them instead of calling the landlord, they legit go “Um we feel as if this is hostile please go”. GIRL YOU WANNA SEE HOSTILE? I’ll show you hostile, Kee Kee get my rings!
After we bounced they get a call from the landlord legit screaming saying leave the girls alone. We get it you fuck them, move on dude.
Things we’re going fine for a hot min till the lock out incident 2017. I was coming to their house from work. It’s about 7, my phones dead and it’s raining. Because I can’t call my friends I’m trying to bang on the door. Legit after banging for a minute I see the blinds crack. These skanks downstairs legit see me in the out in the cold. I go “hey can you get the door please my phone died”…. THESE SEA COWS LEGIT CLOSE THE BLIND AND LEAVE.
For a second I thought they left to go unlock the door. Nope instead they went back to making dinner. These girls are that obsessed with food they can’t stop for 2 seconds to let me in. And before any of you say oh maybe they didn’t recognize you. GIRL BYE, my voice and classic Hawaiian roller coaster haircut stand out, don’t play me.
I start freaking out on these skanks saying no wonder they’re single. They will die alone. Their mommy and daddy’s are bitch asses like them. God will shun them for this, just the classic daddy insults.
Finally my girlies hear me because at this point I’m screaming. They come down and see daddy all cold, shriving and pissed off. They all start screaming and doing witch craft spells to defend daddy’s honor. They just COULDN’T believe they would do this to daddy!
2 days later they were served with papers to leave. I was only pissed because I knew my ass was gonna have to help them move again. And the room of lights would have to come down. But as the Romans say, “We will rebuild”! The place they’re at now is way better and the people downstairs are hella dope and there’s a pizza place down the road. So yeah it’s pretty lit. WE LOVE IT!
Moral of this story is, if you’re looking for a place to rent and the girls below are two fat as fuck white girls who’s boyfriend must be blind or gay RUN! Even if the rent is cheap it’s NOT worth it. Fat white girls are the most unhappy group EVER, it’s not worth the headache people!
Xoxo white people love to snitch!
Sir Dutches 
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