Out of all my articles, my Deb article had the most outreach. People were either concerned for her or inspired by her “Eat, Pray, Love” with a hint of “Taken” type love story. When I discovered that she couldn’t get ahold of me for this whole trip due to Cricket mobile having no towers in Africa, I was legit nervous. For a whole week I would have no clue if America’s Favorite Free Sprit was dead or alive.
Deb traveled to NYC for her flight to Nigeria. Bobby even got her a cute shirt to get her hyped for the trip! She paid for his flight from his hometown to Lago’s and sent him money so he had money for food. So I guess a t-shirt makes up for all that?
Everyday I would send her articles about tourists in Nigeria going missing or found dead, just to knock some sense into her. Instead of canceling the trip Deb legit emailed the Embassy saying if anything happens to her it was Bobby and included his address and Facebook link lmaooo.
She didn’t tell Bobby this till Bobby called her freaking out saying cops came to his house to ask him about Deb and went threw his phone. Now I know that doesn’t sound believable but home girl said it happened! When I looked into it, the Nigerian Government said they were cracking down on tourism scams. So maybe they were looking out for our Deb!
When Deb arrived at the airport, she slept in a chair and woke up at 5 a.m. As she’s going threw TSA, they ask for a passport, she had it! She THOUGHT next she was going to be sitting on the airplane drinking a vodka tonic. But GOD had other plans. The TSA agent asked can I see your visa. She handed her passport again, they were like ummm no you need a tourism visa to enter Nigeria.
She genuinely was confused because I was also. I didn’t know you needed a visa and a passport to travel to other countries. I guess thats cause I’m poor and have only traveled to Canada. I thought only shady counties demanded a visa, which would make sense for Nigeria because it is on the State Departments high risk travel countries. But boy was daddy wrong. Anyone else would of accepted defeat but not our baby girl Deb!
Virgin Airlines told her( I’m assuming as a joke) to go to the Nigerian Embassy to get a travel visa. Deb, determined to get that Bobby D legit went lmao. She had to pay $150 to file the paper work. This took a hot min because they wanted to know all this random info. Like who’s the scumbag she going to see and why. After completing the paperwork and returning to the embassy Deb got even more bad news, she now needs to pay $180 to actually get the visa.
Wait bish what….$150 to file the paperwork, than $180 to get the visa. Is this a Lulahoe type scam? Deb legit had no bread for that at all. She basically had a melt down in the Embassy. After they told her to leave she was already down in the dumps but God wasn’t done teaching Deb a lesson.
As she went to find her car, she discovered it was missing. Home girl legit called me crying saying she’s running around NYC looking like a mad lady crying. Finally after I calm her down she finds a cop who legit drive our baby girl around to find her car. And where was it? Legit outside Governor Cuomo’s NYC office. The cop said if she didn’t have a black Chevy Impala that looked like an undercover cop car she would of gotten tow, a $300 dollar fee. Luckily God’s not that cruel!
When Deb realized her trip was not happening she called to cancel the hotel. That’s when the most jaw dropping thing happened, the man at the front desk canceled it and said, “what should I do about the man and the girl in the room”. GIRL?! What hoe is in Debs room? Does Bobby get mad ass in Nigeria?
Deb legit went cray cray, had them kick Bobby and his skank out. Because Deb got Bobby fired he has no money so legit last Deb heard he was stranded in Lagos with no way home. KARMA BITCH!
Because Deb was so depressed about this, I decided to spend all of Friday with her! We called the airline to try and get money back. They were more than willing too, until they realized Deb booked it thru a online travel agency. Legit when I called them they were assholes.
The agent name was Gohil and I honestly hope he gets Hep C. He said he doesn’t care where Deb travels as long as they get paid. So is he gonna book her trip to North Korea or Syria next?
Best part is this piece of shit convinced Deb to give him a $5 dollar tip…. FOR WHAT? Almost getting her killed?
After speaking to asshole Gohil, Deb’s boss called and ask if she can delivery medicine to a Detox center in Binghamton, you know my noisy ass made her say yes. I needed to see wtf her job was. So basically when nursing homes, detox centers and hospitals need medicine ASAP they contact Deb’s job who them outsource the delivery to people like Deb.
This building was so sketchy that if there was paper work confirming it was legit I would of thought it was a crack house. When we arrive to this detox center I legit understood why people stay addicts there. This place was so sketchy it honestly must of been an old jail. I had chills and I didn’t even go inside. It could of been a building in Soviet Russia and I wouldn’t of known the difference.
I’m so happy I went with her because we bonded hardcore and I finally discovered wtf her job is. I think this was a learning experience for Deb and I WILL make sure she never falls back into her old Nigerian ways. I’m going full Brittney Spears Dad by getting a conservatorship so Deb can’t spend ANY money at western union or on sketchy trips!
Xoxo learn from Deb’s mistake! If you can’t fuck them, why be with them?
Sir Dutches 
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