Happy Birthday to the only chick to make a gay cracker reconsider

Wow where do I begin. My time with Lil Hotdog 16 has been an amazing experience. We have not only learned from Jesus Christ our lord and savor, we’ve learned from each other as well. She taught me grammar and how to look white trash. I taught her how to give attitude and sass back to her students.

My journey with my princess began in 7th grade. We had technology class together but she was too cute and round to say hi too. I was Pussy boy Matt at this time, not fun, bumpin & sassy Matt.

Instead I naturally called her “wide load” in the hallway after class to get a few quick giggles. When she laughed instead of snitching on me I knew she was THEE one. Legit out of all my friends, my girlie and I NEVER fight.

The only time we did was because someone was a lying bitch and told my girl LIES so naturally I went threw her phone, got the proof and told the parties involved. SORRY! I was really into Pretty Little Lies at this time! I apologized and we now laugh at my discretion.

After this we seriously never fight. Well I do get drunk and say stupid things but she slaps me and we laugh about them the next day. She accepts me FOR ME and doesn’t make me tone down my inner Daddyness. Even when I’m all touchy feely she doesn’t slap me for at least 10 seconds just so I can get it out.

Even her therapist was like, “you shouldn’t allow a guy to touch you like that”. My baby was so offended she almost slapped that bitch. Girl you don’t know this bond, don’t be jealous I don’t jiggle your thighs.

Every week my queen and I have movie nights on Wednesday and Friday. We call it “always buffering” because legit the movie is always fucking buffering. This is ANOTHER reason why I despise the fire stick, load quicker fire dick!

Normally we can agree on movies, but after I ATTEMPTED to get her to watch Johnny Deep’s “Cry Baby” one of my favs, she’s been questioning my choices. Until I got her to watch “My cousin Vinny”, at first she rolled her eyes, after she was introduced to baby girl Marissa Tomei, she fall in love. She seriously was giggled all night she didn’t even notice I was stealing her panties to sell on Craigslist.

Xoxo thank you 4 being a friend, let’s travel down the road & back again?

P.s. her sis is pretty lit too

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