You didn’t pass college because of hard work, you passed because I wrote ALL OF YOUR PAPERS, don’t play

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As a young entrepreneur, money has ALWAYS been the motive. I’m always looking for new and fun ways to make that bread. I was getting pretty desperate, daddy got cute shit to buy. My one girlie was like you should give old dudes a back rub for some cash, I was like girl I ain’t that desperate, I aint your mom. God always be helping me be successful. Some dude from high school posted that he had a paper due at midnight and was willing to pay someone to write it. As you all know, I love me a good research paper. Knowledge is power, so I messaged him.

The paper was on US history on the Cold War, one of my specialties. So long story short, he got an A and I got 100 dollars, for legit only 5 pages. Daddy’s Paper Writing Service  was officially in business. Word spread quicker then hep C and I was getting maddddd requests from all the local drug dealers. Legit that was my main cliental, the local pot dealers that attended Onondaga Community College. I got high, they got A’s. It was a win win! If you were a homie I charged 15 a page, if you ain’t it was 25 a page, I didn’t play. The only charity in my life is my daughter.

However, because most of my clients were the plug they all wanted to pay me in bud. Now thats when the real money came rolling. I was getting a Quarter for a 3 page paper, a half for 5 pages and an ounce for 8 to 10 pages. I would then flip it to my friends to make even more bread! At one point I legit had so much weed my main girl Lexy and I ordered Pizza Hut and got baked all night, it was honestly amazing. I was even on What What Happens Live, asking Teresa Giudice hubby if they had jail sex yet, the answer was no lmaoooo.

My best paper ever was for my friends history class. Legit the work I had to do for some of these guys was stupid easy. This one was anything US history related before the 1800’s, the more creative the better. As I was flipping through channels, Pocahontas was on and I got inspired. I decided to write an AMAZING Anne Frank style diary about a Native American girl who was in love with her mans and living their best life. Until, a monster comes from the sea, at first they were scared but as it came closer they realized people was aboard. The tribe goes to meet those on board and a war breaks out. Mad blood and mad violence, then our main girl looks over and sees her mans get shot, dead.

This then changes the story from a tale of love, to a tale of revenge. Home girl retreats into the wildness, trains with the animals and the wind to become a boss ass bitch. She then stalks the group and one by one kills them all, “Death to the white folks” it was called. So yeah this story was pretty fucking lit. It honestly was a story of feminism because instead of hopping on to the next dick, girl made sure each and everyone of those BOYS got their karma. Honestly they need to make a movie out of that! It could legit be AMAZING. Obviously my friend got an A+ on the paper, but failed the presentation. I told his dumb ass to read the paper over before the submitted it. But nooooo he was too lazy too. So when he went up and the teacher went on a rant about how amazing this story was, he legit looked special needs because he had no clue wtf the teacher was taking about.

Not all stories are fun like that. I had one client who was scary as fuck and threaten to kick my ass because he got a 60 on a paper. Well one I have a zero refund policy, go eat ass. Two, he messaged me at legit 11pm saying he need a paper on United States government by midnight and that anything could work. So I said I had a paper on Abraham Lincoln from high school. He met me, I got that bread and he took the paper. You NEVER email a paper because colleges are NUTS, they deff read our emails. I told him to read it over, he never did. I told him to send me the paper prompt so I know what the topic is about, he didn’t.

So when he messaged me freaking out because the paper was on US foreign policy, not freeing the slaves, I was like da fuq I warned your ass. He wanted to meet up to “talk” I was like yeah it slow on that end. He demanded me to either rewrite it or give him his money back. Again it was slow on all of those, so I blocked his number. I saw him downtown once and he was drunk and came at me, trying to fight. I told him, we could talk to the Dean of Students at OCC to square this away. That shut his ass up REAL QUICK. I always used that line, dude idk Ill message your teacher and asked why YOU got a 65 on a paper I WROTE.

The best part about this whole story is legit OCC recycled all the work. So the paper one student had one semester, legit my other client would have the same paper when they took that class. So yeah I was lazy and just changed shit around and submitted the same paper dozens of times. I had my own college work to complete, daddy ALWAYS comes first. This was all fun and games till my girlie called me because she used a paper a friend gave her and asked me to proof read. I did and submitted it on blackboard for her. I however was shook to learn that fucking OCC was now using Turnitin.

For all you non-youngies, Turnitin is the WORST thing EVER. Colleges pay thousands for a software that not only tells you if a paper is plagiarized but also allows them to own your paper. Why? So they can compare it to other papers past students used. HOW CREEPY! So legit when I submitted her paper she got a 1%, meaning ONLY 1% of her paper was original. Legit her name was that 1%. I died laughing but then got scared.

That means my business was being threatened. Papi didn’t have time to write original papers every night like wtf, OCC was playing games and interfering with MY income. So I decided I needed to focus on ME and shut that shit down. I was honestly getting pimples from the stress of possibly dying if someone got a bad grade. Plus someone told me that Syracuse University could expel me for it even thou it was OCC kids, I wish a bitch would try. Long story short, I had my fun but God was like chill with that shit. I still have all the papers saved to my iCloud, legit almost 100 different papers on random topics. One day ill gift them to my children. Last thought, what really pissed me off is when they would get good grades and then have the nerve to snapchat it and say “Hard work pays off”, BOYYY why lie thou?

Xoxo Turnitin could honestly catch these hands

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