I have gray hairs because my mom is lowkey cray, but that’s also why I’m not a thot

Everyone thinks their mother is crazy and over protecting, well has your mother opened your mail before, photocopied the envelope to make a new one so I wouldn’t know she opened it? No? Okay well mine has.

Years ago I would of freaked out and called the cops because opening someone’s mail is a federal offense, now all I can do is laugh about it. It was a letter confirming community service hours… if you were so curious as to why, READ MY BLOG GIRL.

Having an overprotecting mother can be annoying but at least you know you’ll never get kidnapped. The problem with parenting today is parents want to be viewed as friends, not as an authority figure, well that’s why your daughters a slut Stacy. You can’t let your kids go off and be free and not expect an STD or 2. Kids need to be on a loose rope, ask where they are going, yeah they are probably lying to you but at least you can act like you know.

Growing up I was a master lair, I would always say I was sleeping at one of my boys houses but realistically my girlies and I were at SU getting face down ass up. However my mother is too smart for me. She figured out my Apple ID password and used Find My Phone to track my location to a party. Homegirl legit showed showed up at the party and had my dad go in to drag me out. I wish you saw my face when someone said, “um Matt your dad is here”. I was mortified, but honestly impressed. Girl like Nancy Drew.

All my life my mother and I have been like Tom & Jerry. She puts parental controls on the TV, I figure out the password. She takes the TV cord, I use the computer cord to watch TV instead. And my favorite, she changes the computer password, I install a keylogger and figure it out. I was so BAD! But that made life fun, sneaking around and out smarting my mum was like a game.

Senior year my mom took it one step further and after finding out I skipped school, she sent a letter to the school to hang up in the office showing her and my dads signature, so I couldn’t forge it ever again, girl always took it a step further. I legit was her hobby.

Like when I had a fake water bottle that you could store stuff in, my mom found it and legit replaced it with an exact replica. I grabbed it, when to a party and when I went to get my weed that’s when I realized, home girl played me. Yeah I laughed but then I was like ummm is she gonna buy me a new one?

Stories like these will make my memoir great. Watch over your kids but don’t be annoying. If you don’t find a happy medium your kid will become bad news, do you really want the raise the little piece of shit kid everyone hates? I was at least sassy and fun but had my mum there to always put me in my place. Y’all should do the same unless you wanna be grandparents at 40.

Xoxo girl deadass read my mail and resealed it… who does that???

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