God always be teaching me lessons, like the time I swallowed nasty ass dip

Chewing Tobacco aka dip is by far the NASTIEST thing ever. You legit leave raw tobacco under your lip…. and suck. I’m sorry but what the fuck. Are y’all on Molly. What part of that sounds attractive? All of them have nasty ass yellow teeth from it and you can honestly sense the cancer growing. What makes it even worse is when they carry around that gross water bottle or cup and spit in it. I WANT TO GAG. Every time I see that in public, chilling there like it’s normal, I cringe up. I just picture the ONLY two times I did dip and I legit threw up everywhere. God was honestly teaching me a lesson. The first time I didn’t learn so his ass was like, oh you wanna play? Let’s play Bitch.

The first time I chewed the white mans favorite way to lose their jaw, I was at Ski Club in high school. We were riding up on the lift and one of my friends was like “I’m gonna pack a lip, anyone want one”. At first I asked him how is it living below the mason Dixon line? Where’s his banjo? Is his girlfriend his sister? Then he was like well have you tried it? I was like again no I don’t believe in inbreeding and my teeth are my EVERYTHING. I didn’t suffer 4 years of braces for nothing. But then I was called a pussy and I didn’t wanna look like a baby back bitch.

So naturally peer pressure took over and I packed a lip with da boysssssss. As we are coming up to the end of the lift, I get ready to get off. Idk if it was the dip or God playing trick, but I started to get light headed so when I went to jump off, I dead ass stumbled and fell to the ground. That is when it happened, I legit swallowed the dip. I honestly watched my life and my lunch flash before me. But because it’s a fucking ski lift and I couldn’t just stand there so I tried to move away to go off in the woods to die. But legit again I was light headed so I barely could move. That’s when my friend pushed me and I start to go downhill.

I legit started to panic. My body turned ice cold, and I started to get the dry heaves and cold sweats. Next could honestly be the most embarrassing thing ever, well next to my girl Lexi ‘s dad looking at her phone and saw a joke nude I sent to her. I started to blow chunks EVERYWHERE, well I was still skiing. I seriously was coming down the hill throwing up everywhere. People where laughing non stop. After making a straight shoot, literally to the ski lodge, I went over to a corner and started to legit have the shakes and threw up 3 more times. I didn’t even know I ate that much. All my friends came over and tried to hide me but the teachers figured out what was good. They came over and ask me if I’m okay. I was like “yeah my parents put mayonnaise on my sandwich and it made me sick”. These dumbasses either believed it or didn’t care enough about me to investigate further. They allowed me to go on the bus where I honestly cried myself to sleep.

You would of thought I learned my lesson but the want to be cool with da boysss at casino night took over. As we were on our way to Turning Stone, to legit walk around. This was senior year of high school so we mostly walked around and did nothing but be little shits. Attempting to look cool smoking a black n mild. On the way there one of my friends was like I’m gonna pack a lip. I was like yeah not for me, I legit died last time. I saw the light, Baby Jesus and even Michael Jackson. But they go, “Oh no this is a pouch, not loose tobacco like last time, you can’t thrown up”. Like those dumbasses who believe Facebook news, I believed them.

So I put one in and it was all chill, then my other friend goes don’t be a pussy and shoves another one in my mouth.Again I hate cats so I didn’t wanna be a pussy, so I went with it. As we start to pull up to the casino I started to get light headed, that’s when it happened. I deadass threw up all over my friends car, and everyone in it. It was non-stop and I thought a lung was going to come up. After I finally stopped due to lack of food. I looked around and saw a car full of dudes ready to whoop my ass. It was my friend G’s car and he lowkey scares me so I was like oh fuck.

I ran out of that car so fucking quick it was unreal. I’m sprinting threw the parking lot to find the nearest bathroom to cry. I find one, shove a chair behind the door and legit took off all my clothes. I had it everywhere, and I was at the fucking casino. After an hour of legit wanting to meet deaths door and drying my clothes with a hand dryer. I went to find my friends. There was a mix of laughs and worries, but mostly laugh.The boyysssss were beyond pissed, mostly that I ran away and they had to clean up. But I’m too cute and adorable to be mad at, so they got over it. One persons new jeans were ruined but he cheated on my girl so whateves. God had to make me die twice to teach me, that shit NASTY and only hillbilly’s do it. So now it’s my mission in life to bully all my friends who do it until they stop, or die.

Xoxo don’t even get me STARTED on girls who pack a lip to look cool.

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