Why you SHOULDN’T go to the bar faded Mitchell


Going to the bar lit could either be a great way to tolerate ugly, boring people or it could be a night of a lotta “Wait whatttttt” & you wondering if everyone is staring at you, they are. If your dealer is as devoted to the game as mine is, he always be having that LOUD. This latest batch has NOT disappointed. It gets you that high where you’re basically too high to function so you wanna just read a book, binge watch a show or eat a whole bag of Doritos. Aka not the things you can do in a bar. I intended on having a low-key Thursdays with the gals, I didn’t even drink my box of wine before hand! But with these girls, NOTHING is low-key.

We went to this new place “The Hops Spot”, it was their soft opening so ill give them that, but I was NOT impressed. Its a bar/restaurant with a gravy and fries theme, the fries tasted like they were from the frozen food section at Wegmans. & thats being nice. The gravy was basic bitch, canned stuff is WAY better. I’m a gravy expert. I LOVE me some beef gravy, dipping a BLT in it is truly heaven. But that was ass and the service was booty meat. They didn’t even have their liquor license yet so I couldn’t get my DRANK on! So annoying.  So we took a Uber to Colemans to hopefully make up for that hot mess.

When we got there, my baby girl goes, “lets smoke this clip”. We all get from the same guy, he’s the official drug dealer of Daddy and his gals. We get the bad bitches discount so its pretty cool beans. This was a pretty PHAT clip so when we smoked it I was lit, I was real lit. We go in the bar giggling like a group of mean middle school girls. My baby treated me right and got me my classic Rum ‘N Coke and we started to dance but then I was like okay I am way too lit for this. When I’m lit I dance like I’m in a JLo music video, its not cute. But it IS hot.

My friend Tay and his girlie Trixie came up to me and had a full on convo that consisted of me being like, “Wait whattttt when did that happen”. I was truly embarrassed, I normally have the memory of a robot. I remember EVERYTHING, every teacher that was rude to me, what I did on November 7th 1996 and even my birth. So to not remember a conversation I had a couple of month ago was NOT okay. They prob walked away and said, “Wtf was wrong with him”.

Then a girlie came up to me and was like, “OMG hey hey its me”. I looked at her dumb as fuck. I was sooo confused on who the hell this girl was. I felt bad, she was prob like this has to be him. How many other tall, sassy guys with AMAZING cheek bones could there be? She goes, “We legit talked all last night at Clinton Street Pub” (we went out for my girlies birthday the night before). I was like, “Ummm waittt were you the crossfit instructor I met, or the professional figure skater instructor”? She goes, “Umm neither I worked for the city schools”. I legit do NOT remember that convo but okay HEY GURL! We danced and mentally bonded but still damn Papa Dutch get your shit together!

The final straw and I legit almost had a heart attack when this happened was when this guy came up to me and goes, “Yooo weren’t you at lava two weeks ago”. My heart legit dropped I couldn’t breathe, I thought he was the guy I accused of stealing my lighter. I go, “Ummm yeahhh sadly, listen I was really trashed, I think a old man roofied me”. He goes, “Yeah I saw your friends get kicked out then you get dragged out later. I first let go a sigh of relief but then I was like ew thats so trashy of me, THATS how people remember me? As that drunk mess getting kicked out of bars, HOW CLASSY!

Xoxo how do sorority hoes do this every night?

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