Being as sassy as I am, I’m bound to have mad jobs. May that be because I left on my own because papi don’t put up with NO attitude issues or may it be because they fired my ass. Most of the time its the second one, hence my AMAZING book, “Wait… YOU….fired me?” A 5 chapter memoir of the 5 jobs I was “fired from”. It’s truly a hoot, where the book publishers at?
When I worked at the fair however we left on “mutual” terms. Meaning I was over their asses and they were DEFF over mine. It was the summer going into my senior year. Daddy wanted it to be the year of ME, so I needed the cash for that. Ugh why didn’t my mom marry Dante, the rich kid from her youth.
My friend was like “Yooo we should work for the fair” I was like wait that’s the only smart thing your stupid ass has EVER said. We both applied and got in. We were HYPED! Till we found out we were working in the parking department and we were in separate lots. I tired saying I had diabetes and only he can do my insulin, but they said nah old man Steve has it too, he can help. GAG me.
My first day, legit I was excited to meet who I work with, till I saw them. Legit all ghetto baby hillbillies. Everyone but me chewed dip, I’m like can you NOT? I made friends with this one DECENT looking dude but he was a mess. Legit 17 showing up trashed everyday, always getting high and twice his mom showed up asking him for money. Girl go back to bed.
Legit everyone there got high but me. Don’t get me wrong I DEFF would of. But lowkey at the same time I was on the verge of getting expelled due to a fake Facebook I made for a teacher… so I prayed to God that if I didn’t I wouldn’t smoke or drink I wouldn’t get trouble lmao. That lasted about 3 weeks, when I found out I won because she was a LAIR. Ugh that is deff another story for another day.
My job title was… pointer. I legit would sit there and point left. It was hell. After the first day I brought a chair to at least make things comfortable, until those pricks took it away. I had two bosses, one was named Bubba, he was the definition of a fair rat. He sleeps at the fair for the two weeks due to how far away his house is, that legit sounds like hell. He was chill but gross to look at. My other boss was like a 35 year old dude who took his job WAYY to seriously. Always spying on my ass like go get a hobby.
For a while he would just drive around making sure everything were going smoothly. For the last week his job was legit to hunt me down. I became the king of sneaking around. It would legit get to 90 degrees out, I was legit fainting my life away. I decided this is NOT okay.
I started to hide out in the Centro buses due to their AC. Till my boss rode one and caught me legit sleeping. He shook me and I jumped like a priest came up from behind me. He freaked out, so I made him look bad saying “SORRY IM LIGHT HEADED DUE TO MY NEW MEDICATION”. Everyone gave him dirty ass looks and I skipped away smiling.
My next trick was to sneak my friends good parking spots near me so I could sleep in their cars. This was amazing on rainy days, hot days it was hell. See I was smart with my laziness! Everyone else got drunk or high and just stood there like zombies. My bosses were cool with that but not me taking a little cat nap! I was honestly the golden child of the fair.
Finally my car trick was exposed after some RUNT saw me go in and legit snitched. I once again woke up to my bosses banging on the door. Screaming saying this is my last warning. I go okay and that was your last joint earlier. I knew his ass was smoking on the low. We had a stare off till I won. He knew after that I am NOT the one.
I decided, I’m over this all together and due to my fair hat I was able to get in the fair for free. I legit started to clock in then would go and walk the fair. I became friends with all the free sample vendors and later discovered I could ride the rides for free! It was so lit!! I was getting paid to play! God always blessing.
Till my fucking boss once again caught me while he was getting food. I lied and said I was on my lunch break, at first he believed me and walked away. Then his extra ass turns around and said wait. He called up to our lot and asked them to check my time card. They said it hasn’t been stamped for lunch yet. He legit had a devil smile and said I finally got you. I go nah I got you. I know you and everyone else is coming back later at night after your shift to clock out and y’all be skimping off the top of the parking lot entrance fee. Checkmate BITCH.
He was speechless. His trashed friends would ALWAYS spill the fair gossip. I knew who was hooking up with who and who was scamming who. These little shits were taking money from people who paid parking and keeping some. And y’all worried about ME? Don’t test me.
Finally he realize their was nothing he can do, daddy had him right where he wanted him. For the last 3 days of the fair I had the time of my life. On the last day he called everyone over for a meeting about the next years fair and how they all were invited back, expect me. He thought he was punishing me that way, instead I laughed and said my skin is WAYY to delicate for this bullshit, peace bitches.
The only thing I got out of that hell experience was the free hat that got me into the fair for free for years. Legit I was always like “yep I work in the orange lot with crazy ole bubba”. And their dumbasses would let me in, till the one year they changed it and gave everyone ID cards and they legit took my hat away, pricks.
Xoxo scurry away little fair rat
Sir Dutches 
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