Titties and kitties, sounds like an amazing strip club. This past weekend I SOME HOW ended up at a strip club after downtown, with a dead phone and a apple juice because they DON’T serve liquor at full nude clubs lmao. Strip clubs are legit so fascinating to me. From the music to the sometimes trashy girls, I live for it. I may not enjoy what I see but I DO enjoy how intense these girls get when it comes to dancing.
At first I thought all these girls are trash bag hoes, working for a dollar. But then I’m like WHO AM I TO JUDGE? Am I paying their bills? NO. So why am I sitting here judging them for getting a check! Unless you are paying someones bills, QUIT JUDGING. If there was male strip clubs, I would DEFF work there. Could you imagine ME dancing to Tina Turner’s “Private Dancer” or any Celine Dion song. I would OWN that pole. People would come from miles to see daddy WORK IT!
My first time at a strip club was when I turned 18. Mama Dutch, my boy aff and I went to Lookers Night Club. In Syracuse there is legit a row of like 6 strip club. At the top is Fantasy Nights, a basic bitch strip club. Then at the bottom is Valkyrie, the strip club where a girl can whip and beat the fuck out of you, SCARY! It was a Wednesday night so the dancers were bottom of the stripping litter. We were LEGIT the only people there, till when the midnight “my wife went to sleep” crew showed up.
Mama told them it was my birthday and legit it was all downhill from there. Legit every dancer would come up to me after saying, “how much for some hot sexy birthday boy”. I go, “I have 10 dollars and thats for pizza after, so THANK YOU but im good”. But they don’t listen, they continued to ask if I wanted a private dance or to go in the private room, again NO HUN. You’re just embarrassing yourself at this point.
The scariest moment of the night was when hardcore rock music started and the girl screams, “WAKE THE FUCK UP”. I go to Mama, “Oh noooo”. Legit out of nowhere homegirl came behind me and goes, “OH no is right DADDDDY”. I fucking jumped from my seat. Home girl legit shook fear into me. We all threw her 5 dollars because I was convinced if we didn’t, she would kill us.
The last girl legit made me gag, I will NEVER get this story out of my head. She comes out and immediately takes off all her clothes. Thats when it happened, she bent over and her asshole was the size of a quarter. I wanted to THROW UP. But to make it even worse she had a baby foot tattoo on her ass check, umm whats your baby name? Most likely she drew that on to make everyone feel bad and give her more tips, which we did. But thats not even the worst part. It was when she came over to us and asked us our names, and as the good christians are we, we told her. Thats when she proceeded to sit down in front of us and legit finger herself while saying all our names, one after another, for legit 30 minutes. Im not even joking, 6 songs were played before she stopped. I wanted to KILL MYSELF just to make it end it was that awk. No one was turned on and no one was impressed. Finally Mama Dutch gave her a $10 dollars and said please stop, thank you. Thats when we left.
A few weeks later we heard that 2 girls we grew up worked at this other strip club, Bada Bing and YES it is on stripper row. At first we went to be little pricks and judge the hell out of them. But by the end of the night we bonded hardcore with them and their work “friends”. When we got there we knew this was about to be OUR place. No cover fee and they didn’t ID us! I had my older brothers ID till Lava night club took it saying, “this says your 5’4″ theres no way you grew that much in 3 years”. Y’all don’t know me!
The first dancer danced to an EDM song and legit it was INTENSE. She worked that pole legit spinning and dancing to the beat of music, it was amazing! Another dancer did a goth dance that legit was scary. I felt like I was in a school shooting scene in a Tv show. When my girls went on we sang our school anthem, talk about school spirt! The weirdest part of Bada Bings is all the businesses suit dudes going upstairs to the “private room”. Wheres your wife? Does she know? WTF was upstairs, my girls said only certain dancer can go up there, I guess my girls aren’t pretty enough?
Mama Dutch was so loved there that they all begged her to be their house mom. So basically a stripper house mom is the mum of the club. She helps the girls work on their routine, pick out music, deal with rude and touchy customers. She would of gotten paid hella well and full time benefits, but her parents popped and said, “Ain’t no little girl of mine gonna work at a strip club”. Ugh imagine all the amazing stories and videos I would have for my blog. In the end our girls were fired for turning tricks in the private dancing rooms, so our fun ended. Plus I offended a few of the dancers by refusing to smoke a blunt with them cause I saw bumps on their lips. Sorry my bodies a temple!
The last strip club in the daddy traveling strip club trip was Alpine. I heard rumors that there was sex trafficking there so when my girlies said we should go one night you know I had to be all Nancy Drew and check it out! When I walked in, I immediately looked for any signs of help so I could save the day. But instead the rumors were wrong! I met the owner and his daughter and told them about the “rumors” and they laughed. I was giving a rum n coke and they even gave me a tour of the building! I met all the dancers and even one who’s an amazing singer, but sadly Syracuse Stage refuses to allow her to audition for plays because she a stripper. Y’all lost. We’re working on a musical about strippers called, “Backshots and daddy issues”, the lead musical number is legit better than anything Broadway has ever seen.
Now to Saturday. Saturday started out with a simple nights of drinks and giggles at the Retreat with my girls and my cousin. That ended with us going downtown and me ending up at Lookers night club. I remember being at Corner Bar and leaving with Miss Alexis but the decision to go to a titty bar is missing. I was there with a guy and a former stripper who retired from the stripping scene. They were bumping but again im like wtf where am I? Did you know New York State bans liquor at full nude bars, THANKS CUOMO. My phone was dead and no stripper had an iPhone charger, I guess they all team android. I finally remembered Mama Dutches number and begged her to come. But she was also trashed and we are NOT team DWI, so her mom got me. Legit at a strip club at 3:30 am. She founded me sitting outside with a crew of bikers, like what is my life.
Xoxo I deff clap my ass better than all those dancers
Sir Dutches 
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