There is legit nothing I hate more than when people are mad selfish and answer my phone calls on speaker. Who the hell do you think you are? You need to warn a bitch about that!! You know I talk shit! What is this high school? It used to be mad fun to cause drama by calling someone, and getting them to talk shit about someone who’s secretly with you. It was a hoot! Till my friend Becky found out I knew my friend Karen gave Becky’s mans the clap. All that drama could of been avoided if Tish told me I was on speakerphone! We all know when I call it’s regarding some fire gossip. It’s not my fault my mouth runs quicker than your man when you ask for a pic!
If I call you and you are with people and you put me on speakerphone you BEST say “Hi daddy your on speakerphone with MayMay and I”. What if I talked mad shit about the pedicure May May gave me! Shit would of been hella awk! Save me the 2 minutes of awkward silence. This happened once when I called my Aunt and made a really inappropriate joke…. sorry I’m risqué. Well little did I know my young ass cousins where there on speaker! We all know I’m HBO….not Disney Channel. Let’s just say I won’t be ask to babysit them….. which is a blessing.
The most awkward speakerphone fiasco was regarding my girlies. We were all beefing because I was tipsy and in a sassy mood. I wanted to go out but they all wanted to sit in and make out I guess? Well one comment led to another and I stormed out of the house like I was on the Real Housewives. I was wearing my girls fur coat too so she screams “TAKE OFF MY FUCKING FUR TOO’, lowkey I was laughing inside. That night brought up a lot of built up issues so the fall out was hella dramatic. I was annoyed with them all but I called my one girlie to vent about it. I legit went in on all three of them and told her I’m only calling her to talk about it with because we make out sometimes when I’m desperate. Almost 10 minutes of saying the other two don’t mean shit to me and one of them bud shames me(that when you don’t have bud to burn so instead of smoking you out like a Catholic would, they make you feel like shit). I heard a cough….that’s when I realized I was on fucking speakerphone. My girlie tried to deny it but my ass is too smart for that. I legit took a deep breathe and then went psycho and told her “Delete all your social media honey, you just committed suicide”. Again, this was during my Real Housewives Stage, I was very dramatic during this.
I was all ready to end this bitch but that’s when I realized, its my fault for talking shit! Yeah she shouldn’t of been a sinner by break the 11th amendment, thou shall not answer on speakerphone, but I shouldn’t of been running my mouth. My new policy is don’t say shit you wouldn’t say to their face. Okay its not like a 100% new policy because gossip makes the world go round but imma try to be brand new about this. Why talk shit, cause all that does is get you hit. But still TELL ME IM ON SPEAKERPHONE. Rude ass!
Xoxo hi daddy you’re on speaker with God!
Sir Dutches 
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