To all the past victims of my prank phone call addiction, I’m like sorry?

Hi I’m Matthew and I’m a recovering prank calls addict. I used to have a legit hardcore addiction to prank phone calls. But to be honest my friends enabled it! We would all get lit and prank call random people in one of my 3 personalities. Stacy, a girl who’s just to figure out why your number is in my mans phone. Leroy, a south side homie who’s gonna whoop that ass if you ever text his hoe again. And lastly my favorite AnneMarie, a mean ass PTO mom who’s ready to beat some ass if you EVER talk about her daughter again.

We would honestly have the time of our lives. Which yes I know sounds sooo pathetic but this was like 6 years ago so stop judging me with your judgey ass. We would call ex boyfriends, family members and my favorite, rude ass coworkers. At a past job I had this bunk ass girl who was literally the worst. She had kids but was more concerned about getting drunk than buying them new clothes.

When rent a center would come they would play a game call HIDE! I’m not lying when I say she had a cat she never fed and when it got pregnant it had kittens that disappeared. However when a kid would drop a goldfish on the floor and went to grab it, legit a baby kitten would scratch them and grab the food. She was literally living with feral cats, where the hell is CPS?

One day she bought new cigs than had the nerve to ask ME for a slice of my pizza for lunch, girl PLEASE. The last straw was when she told me after her mans cheated on her she started to hook up with married men then call the wife the next day for a good giggle. How foul. So I decided I had to do my civil duty and prank call her.

I would do my Stacy voice but with a spin.

Me:”Hi can you get me some Marlboro red”

Her: “why”

Me: “So after I fuck your mans I can smoke them”

When I say she went crazy I mean she went white mom trying to stop a black lemonade stand crazy. She told me she was gonna find me and cut my throat yada yada yada. So naturally we did it mad times till this girl who couldn’t afford lunch but can now randomly afford $14.95 for an app to tell you who calls off *67. She discovered it was me, went insane said she was gonna tell our boss, so I threatened to call CPS because her kids deadass smelt like cat piss. She changed her tune real quick cause she needs that check so we both called it a night!

My favorite prank call was to my friends boss. I would call him and accused him of trying to fuck my bitch. But plot twist, he was gay so he would say “I honestly promise you I’m not fucking your bitch I’m gay……”. Lmaooo sooo funny!!

The prank call I feel the MOST guilty about was to my friend. I know, how fucked I did it to a friend but ugh at the time it was so funny! I would call her and not say any thing but just breathe heavily. This went on for two years and literally drove her insane. I know how messed up of me but when I did it and she would start screaming at me I just couldn’t stop laughing. She had no clue it was me but everyone else did. I was ruthless, you can judge me for this one I do feel bad!

One time she was home alone and I called her mad times, she forced her parents to come home early from dinner. I’m SOOO going to hell. Like the last girl she found out it was me by using that damn app. I was at work when I did it and she called back the work phone… I answered and that’s when she discovered it was me. Honestly something out of a tv show, she was obviously salty for mad long but then we made up because I gave her my HBO Go login.

I used to call Taco Bell as AnneMarie and accuse someone there of calling my daughter a slut from this number. They would say, “ma’am this is Taco Bell I promise you no one is calling you from this number” lmaooo. Finally after I prank called my friends cousin for 2 hours because she met a random dude online and visited him so we had to teach her a lesson, I decided okay this is pathetic. I am TOO grown for this.

What’s crazy is there are no laws to protect people from LOSERS like me. They even have an app that changes your number to any number you want. So we would call girlfriends as their boyfriends number and say “hi I’m his girlfriend now. Honey you look pathetic MOVES ON”. Lmaoooo so bad lol okay I’m done!

Xoxo is all these scam calls I get now my karma?

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