If you were a high schooler in Onondaga County during 2013-2017, most likely you went to one of those creepy ass teen glow parties. At the time we thought they were so lit and bumpin, but now I look back and I’m like wait, those were mad rapey. A room full of drunk teens grinding on a soccer field while old dudes watched, yeah a Woody Allen wet dream.
Let me start from the beginning. At first there was Bubbles. The summer going into 11th grade legit everyone went there. It was in a basement across from Dinosaur BBQ and it was soooo ghetto trash. But that’s why it was fun because everyone was trashed, getting buck wild and security couldn’t even give a fuck. That’s why it ended, because people cant just have fun. One week a fight broke out and someone pulled out a gun, typical Syracuse shit. So Bubbles closed down and we were left to drink in someones mildew ass basement.
Until they announced a “new and improve” teen night with less violence at…… the fucking VFW in Solvay. God were we desperate for a place to drink. It was $10 dollars plus $8 so we can get two four lokos. It was honestly fucked up to be grinding at a place where we honor our falling veterans but you only live once I guess? This however was canceled due to noise complaints from neighbors so that’s when they officially moved it to Jones Road Soccer Center. Yeah a teen glow party on a fucking soccer field. What the hell were we thinking??
So we went, got trashed in the car before hand. Security was a joke, they would shine lights in your car to make sure no one had liquor. Um its called water bottles, dumbasses. Securities job mostly consisted of breaking up teens having sex and giving “pat downs” to the ladies only. At first it was fun, all of our friends went. We made mad new girlies and just had some good ass non pedo fun. But then everything changed at the next one. We get there and there is legit 12 year olds outside the place throwing up their moms Vodka. Basically looking like Lindsay Lohan in 2008. These kids where throwing up everywhere, at least we were respectful and threw up in the bathroom like the classy bitches we are. After we made it past chucks of Mikes Harder & Pizza, we go inside. Legit I felt like I was at a 5th graders birthday. You had kids running around everywhere being mad extra. It was hot, sweaty and smelt like a KFC bathroom.
The worst part was the line of “Security” at the front of the dance floor. Legit old ass dudes standing like a creepy uncle, just staring at these kids dancing like their in a porno. They are teenagers so they weren’t doing the Cha Cha, instead they were dry humping against the score board. Above them was the second level where the “DJ” stayed. Also known as the area where more old ass dudes chill and watch young kids dance like its normal. I’m assuming these were the guy who ran this shits friends. Why wasn’t I alarmed about this before?? Can these old dudes go home? I understand you need security but really…. stop looking at my friends asses. SO MANY WONDERING EYES!
I honestly get chills just thinking about those date rape parties we had no business being at. I bet after I post this mad girlies will reach out to me with SUSPECT things that happened to them there. It’s like Dan Schneider, Woody Allen, Bill Cosby and Bryan Singer all came together to throw their dream party. Mad young kids, drunk, dressed skanky and desperate for a Smiroff. If you are wondering, “OMG Matt why would your parents let you go to this”, obviously I lied! Classic “Just going to the movies tonight mum, be back later”. My mom would NEVER let me go to a teen dance party ran by OLD DUDES! She knows I’m adorable, so naturally mad people wanna kidnap me.
Xoxo “Guys get off the field we got a dance party in 20 mins”
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