My girlie is pregnant and asked to put my name on the birth certificate, should papi do it?

Everyone has know I’ve wanted a kid for a hot min now. How much fun would it be to go out in matching Gucci suits with a child as rude and sassy as me. Or go to Sesame Street theme park and not look like a pedo. The place is hella lit! Now I have my chance but is this hoe gonna screw me over down the line when she randomly gets addicted to Molly? Also what if the babies ugly or even worse, a really weirdo? I can’t be associated with that. If the baby had my genes it would naturally over take any ugly genes from the mom. So I’m golden.

But my girls ex is a deadbeat! That’s why she wants my name on the birth certification so he will have no claim to the child. I told her I don’t think that’s how it works hun. But what do I know! This dude and his mom are type bunk looking so the babies chances of looking cute are VERY slim. My girlie and him broke but 5 months ago but hooked up 4 months ago. She doesn’t wanna tell him about the baby because she wiped her hand clean of him! As she should of! He was a deadbeat dealer who only sold dro. How embarrassing, not even he good stuff.

He raps…. okay imma be honest he stutters. The shit burns my ears. Knowing his ass he would play that garbage to put the baby to sleep and it makes me gag. Any kid growing up on that would definitely turn out to be a serial killer, or mentally ill. It’s like I wanna have a kid but not with this baggage. I’m waiting on the results of this test I did to see what the baby will look like to make my final decision. If it turns out it will look Gerber baby and it’s skin will glow in pics thus making me look good, I’ll sign.

But with conditions. I want the kid 3 times a week for 2 hours for random photo shoots. I don’t do diapers so she can tag along for that or I’ll hire a nanny if she’s getting on my last nerve. Also the baby will only wear designer. I get final say on every outfit she buys and the baby wears. I refuse to let MY(illegitimate) child look like he’s begging for change on Hiawatha Blvd.

That’s another question, what if this girl decides down the line to milk me dry for Child Support. I can barely afford my $300 a month face cream. I trust no bitch but its not like I can make her sign a prenup. Is there a babyup I can make her sign? I’ll give her an allowance so her and the baby can look type cute but I want receipts. If she gives a drop of that to her ex I will cause the biggest bitch fit during Parent Teachers Conference.

Xoxo for names I’m thinking Menthol or Perfstephanie( aka the perfect Stephanie)