I love giving back to the community. From telling my girlies they caked on too much make up, to giving the old homeless lady on Hiawatha Blvd a couple dollars & a clip. Being nice just makes me feel warm inside, I think it’s from Satan telling me to cut this shit out. To really give back this year I decided to have my first annual charity event to raise money to give clothings, make up, fur coats & Juul pens to the homeless. Because even the homeless deserve to look douchey. Plus it gets hella cold out there, I can barely make it to my car without getting nipped.
This won’t just be another shitty charity event where people stand around like idiots. Instead my girlies and I will be stripping to our favorite beats. & yes Mama Dutches & Deb will be there. Ass’s will be phat, smacked & most definitely clapped.
I’ve reached out to 3 strip clubs. Lookers wanted us to be full nude, which my girlies were fine with. But I’ll spare Syracuse the sore eyes cause one of my girlies got a real bad rash on their coochie. Lowkey pissed thou cause y’all deserve to see skinny ass Mama Dutch work that pole. Ass phat, yeah she knows.
The other two strip clubs are in a bidding war because let’s be for real this WILL be the event of the season. All dollars raised while I shake my ass will be donated. At the end of the night all the CUTE ASS stripper outfits my girlie’s grandma Mabel is making us will be auctioned off as well! I’m honestly expecting we will raise at LEAST $20,000.
I’ll be the main dancer of the night obviously, & I’ll sprinkle my girlies in to mix things up. My first song will be Private Dancer by Tina Turner. I’m picturing I’ll wear her signature grey sparkle dress that you know my long legs will WORK IT. Next one by one all my girlies will make a sassy entrance to Lady Marmalade, I’m deff Christina Aguilera.
Tickets will be $20 a dollars a piece & each ticket is a limited collectible featuring a hand painted nude of yours truly, in 5 years it will easy be worth $100,000 on eBay. I plan on having this event December 14th at 930 pm, location TBS. Ill send invites included with my annual Christmas card ” I have so much more for you to be mad in 2019 , be patient bitches”. Ugh so hyped y’all spread the word or go to HELL.
Xoxo by the end, these homeless are gonna be looking FLEEK
Sir Dutches 
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