We all know liquor & papi don’t mix, LETS BE REAL i’m just way too skinny. After recent events I’ve decided to chill on the drinking. Being a hot mess is NOT a cute look. Plus it makes your skin look crusty. I normally have my two drunks, sloppy & black out aka zombie. However when I drink Costco vodka, it’s a whole other daddy. I turn into that mean, cruel step dad everyone hates. I can not believe how gross & un-royalty like it makes me! I am know that I’m too skinny to drink but this just turns me NASTY!
This bottle is legit huge, I kid you not it’s the BBC of vodka. This bottle will last you at least a month. Unless you’re my baby girls, than just 2 girls nights. You can’t buy it in New York because our laws prevent stores from selling liquor. But you know me, I got a plug. What’s cray is after a Google search I learned it’s distilled the same way as Grey Goose. Maybe that’s why it kills me. If I can’t afford Grey Goose, I don’t deserve to get drunk on knock off Grey Goose.
One night it turned me into a real housewives type bitch. I was legit ruthlessly ripping into my friend like I was Joan Rivers. Like was I trying to make her slit her wrists? I feel so nasty about it now! I obviously apologized, but still I should of never allowed myself to get that way! Unless Andy Cohen is there, I should NEVER rip into any of my friends! They are the backbone of my sassyness. Legit it was like the Comedy Roast of my baby girl. Ugh I still feel like shit about it! I’m deff gonna have go do 5 Hail Marys later tonight & rub her bunion.
The other time I warned my friends about it but they were all like SHUT UP PUSSY. An hour later two were throwing up in the bathroom while I was twerking like a crackhead. Did I learn my lesson then? No of course not I’m a dumbass. My girlie and I pregamed with it and both woke up at a random friends house. I legit woke up on a couch, thank God it was my friends and not Pastor Johns! He said he found me wondering the street talking to a group of white trash bitches. Did I wanna get raped?
Side note the best and only way to cure a hangover is Pedialyte. I went from dead, to Fashion runway ready in 30 minutes. Yeah I got dirty looks but unless they my doctor they can eat ass. SOOO in-conclusion, unless you wanna be the ass of the town like I am, DON’T DRINK THIS SHIT! God is still judging me for my shameful past month. So if you see me downtown order me a water or a cup of hot green tea.
Xoxo seriously someone help me gain weight, people keep thinking I’m from Russia during the famine
Sir Dutches 
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