Yeah it gives me horrible shits, but for some reasons I keep going back: My life as a Pizza Hut addict

As I am laying on the cold bathroom floor, having the shakes, I once again find myself questioning why the hell I ate Pizza Hut. At work we all were craving its so naturally we ordered it without any hesitation. But an hour later, like Deja Vu, we all were on the toilets. I always have the same outcome. First joy, waiting for the order. Then delight as I eat the delicious greasy pizza, then finally pain as I shit my life away. Everyone calls me gross and nasty for eating it but I’m like you eat box, its basically the same thing. Greasy, stinky, toxic, and you’re going to regret it the next day. But unlike box, Pizza Hut isn’t an open wound begging for critters to crawl in.

Pizza Hut is dirt cheap if you order on the app. I get a large half cheese half pepperoni pizza for only $8.99. Like HOW AMAZING of a deal is that. You can’t beat that!! I can get baked, drunk and eat good for only $25 dollars. I love America. During her heifer days, Mama Dutches and I LIVED at the Pizza Hut buffet. For only $4.99 plus the cost of a drink you can eat all the Pizza Hut you can imagine. It also includes breadsticks, dessert and the salad bar but I don’t eat that. Mad moms and their nasty kids sneeze on it, gag.  Here we give ourselves only 20 minutes, because with the buffet the shits come quicker and I REFUSE to use their nasty toilets.

Pizza Hut needs a revamp. Not of their food but of their gross ass stores. They are NASTY! I used to look forward to going to Pizza Hut but now I get my pizza and BOUNCE! The odor is strong and the furniture is older than Christ. As soon as you sit down a cloud of dust emerges. Make them cute, nothing too fancy maybe a low casual bar vibe.

Pizza Hut is the best food for hangovers, they need to embrace that! Do a morning after downtown special or stay open later than 11pm da fuq we don’t get back till 2:30 am and every it says you’re closed I cry, its childish. When I lived down south my local Pizza Hut knew my name, I was royalty. Sadly in New York all my local ones are closing down! I have one close to home but I normally only want Pizza Hut when I’m hungover at work and that one closed down, so rude. So in short if you find me dead on the toilet its death by the Pizza Hut shits.

Xoxo Why everything that’s supposed to bad make me feel so good?

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