Whoever stole my Timberlands, your moms a hoe

Just because I’m still in the Christmas spirit, doesn’t mean I won’t cut a bitch. I was having an AMAZING Christmas weekend till I realized someone jacked my Tim’s. Shit are hella old and bunk looking but STILL who the hell does that. They lucky my boys weren’t with me. We ride 15 homies deep. Bang bang.

Let me start from the beginning of this tale of thief and trashiery. My home girl had a Christmas party. I brought over mad lights and we decked that place out. It honestly looked like Hogwarts, but with holes in the wall. We drank, played games, giggled and I didn’t make a fool of myself. So yeah I was blessed.

However, the next day I did have work and I did have to leave due to a White Claw hangover. It wasn’t a normal hang over with a headache, instead my stomach felt like a wave pool about to pop. All that Carbonation is NOT healthy. I legit felt like my stomach was filled with bubbles, not even Pizza Hut could cure it. When I put on “my tims” I knew something felt suspect. But I was already late for work and I had to bounce without throwing up.

After leaving work and being shamed by ONE person, I slept my life away than went to visit Miss TT at work. As soon as I walked up, she goes “WTF are you wearing”. I look down and right away I noticed not only are these NOT my shoes, they are fucking knock off tims as well. The lips were falling down and it didn’t even have the Tims logo. To be real, there wasn’t even a logo, like I looked everywhere, these are legit No Named Tims. I’m assuming they are from Payless Shoe Source.

I’m sorry but there is NO way this was a mistake. These boots are wide as shit and feel like a loose cooch. Mine are tight like my baby girls, you can feel the difference right away. Home boy thought he was having a Christmas come up with my old ass boots. Enjoy my dirty, beer stained seconds? SHIT IS NASTY. I refuse to wear used bowling shoes, you think I’m gonna wear someones used Tims? Boy please!

I’m terrified I now have athletes foot now. IDK what home boy has. Feet are NASTY, sweaty boots are even worse. I have them in a zip lock bag to be shipped off to a lab to be tested. I’m hoping they can find DNA from sweat with them and I can figure out who’s these are and beat some ass. I have some theories but my main suspect is the creep downstairs. I’ll keep y’all updated.

Xoxo your come up is my handy downs

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