Matt & the Monistats: How I go downtown and NOT die

When I go downtown I don’t mean to stand out but some how little old me does. May it be from a sassy cardigan I’m wearing over my shoulders, or my hair just be on fleek or lately because Mama Dutches has been passed out on the bar floor so I have to drag her away by her Jimmy Choos. Either way attention comes to me, I don’t seek it. Attention is fun till the jealous ones catch wind of it.

Trash people always be jealous no one finds them cute. I’ll be with my girlies,” Matt & the Monistats” owning the dance floor and what happens, some creep comes over and makes a slick comment our way. Idk if he thinks we are the one, BUT WE ARE NOT. One would normally let this just slide but not us. We will CUT YOU TROY!

Being disrespected is NOT a hobby of ours. You allow someone to disrespect you just once, shit will last for life, like aids. These fuckboys think they can talk the talk but when we wanna square up they bounce. Not because they are afraid of us, lets be real we like Josie and the Pussycats. (Plus I tell my baby girls to record any fight I’m in for the lawsuit.)

Instead they are afraid of the homies and brothers that lurk around us. This is why I roll with at least 10 baby girls, so at least one of them will have someone to defend my skinny ass. May it be a new dude trying to impress one of them. Like if you touch me, Randy from the North Side will step up on you. Imma keep it real, if you defend me in a fight my girlies WILL send you a thank you nude….. of me.

Or may it be a ex who hates my girlie but loves papi. That’s normally my line of defense. Because my girls get around like a Roomba, I know gangsters from every walk of life. They hate my girlie for giving them the clap but they love lil Papi because he’s “Not like other fans of Cher”.

One time these frat fags tried to cut me in line at the bar and proceeded to call me a faggot, I told them, “shouldn’t you be home figuring out how to beat ur rape charge”. This set them off and everyone told me to leave but I ain’t no bitch. Imma keep on running my mouth till I either get jumped or someone defends me. If I do get jumped, its a hate crime and I’ll be famous. If someone defends me it will be like bad girls club, so its a win win.

Luckily my girlies mans defended me and punched this pussy boy in the face. Thus causing a big brawl that I escaped without a scratch. This is why I am nice to all my hoes mans who can potentially defend me in the future. The bigger and stronger, the more likely I won’t block you on my baby girls phone. If you are a baby back bitch, I won’t entertain you. What will you do for me? Nothing besides annoy me. I however will stand next to you so I look buff and hot as shit. Standing next to a bitch boy is truly a confidence builder.

So in short, I’m sorry my girlie broke your heart and gave you Hep C, but when you see me running my mouth downtown , please stop it or be ready to fight. I’m not playing.

Xoxo also I always carry my taser, I WILL shock some sense into y’all

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