When I meet new people, I may look young and naive but I ain’t. Behind this flawless face there is a lowkey sociopath. I am ALWAYS calculating my next moves and deciding if I should trust you or end you. Don’t mistake my silence for weakness, I am testing and judging the hell out of you. I love meeting new people, its like a turn on to gather another baby girl under daddys wings. But people are shady than the CIA in the 60’s. A nice bitch can lowkey be setting you up to get robbed or even worse, sell you dro.
For those of you uneducated on the weed game, dro is honestly like you are smoking grass. Its cheap, gross, nasty and will make you fall asleep. Scumbag dealers love it cause its cheap and they can jack up the prices. You try that shit to me even once, You’re forever dead to me.
Dro is easy to identify because it smells like your grandmas closet. In the past this was everywhere till headies came around. Headies is a mix of dro and exotics. I’m an exotics baby, I ain’t gonna waste my time smoking garbage. I’ll pay more for that good good, like a good capitalist should. If your dealer doesn’t smoke it, why would you.
Dro hasn’t even been in my vocabulary since Middle School, until last week. Mama Dutches and I were celebrating her ex getting locked up. God is good y’all. As we go to the next bar we realize a girl was sitting alone, looking like she wanted to be kidnapped. So like the good Catholics we are, we go sit next to her. I go “Hey hun, whats a bad bitch like you doing sitting here all alone”. She says, “I’m on a date but he isn’t here yet”. We’re like “OMG is this the first one”. Baby girl legit says, “Well kind of, we been talking for 6 months but he never will go out in public with me, this is the first time”. So embarrassing girl keep that to yourself!
TALK ABOUT A RED FLAG. Girl wtf 6 months and not even a date to Chipotle, homeboy either got a wifey or a kid. She was too cute and all that jazz to allow that level of disrespect. Whats even sadder is this was a Sunday, legit no one goes out on a Sunday but those who are celebrating a dead beat going to jail. He wanted date night on Sunday cause he knew his REAL family would be at home in bed by 8. So sad, so pathetic, typical white girl shit.
As we are all about to take a shot, homeboy walks in. He is some skinny ass wanna be hood boy. I rolled my eyes like I do when my girls tell me their mans is gonna change. I was shocked that she would allow a legit 5’8″ baby back bitch like him to walk all over her. Either he got a massive D or she is just desperate for attention due to daddy issues. Either way she looks DUMB!
We introduced ourselves to this future jail bait and right off the bat he’s like “y’all smoke”. Okay slow your role, you sound like the Po Po trying to rope my ass. I go, sadly no that’s against our faith. He goes, “I can smell it on you”. Noo that’s just Mama Dutches ripping ass, she on the Kato diet. Like I don’t know if homeboy is recording me or not. So he goes well if you guys do smoke I got some fire for the low.
Okay now he caught my attention, Daddy loves a bargain. I go how much for a half? He goes 100, I rolled my eyes and said burr I get better prices, He said well its some fire. Okay I’ll be the judge of that, so I get his number while TT and his side hoe go to the bathroom. Thank God they did cause TT discovered the truth…..this was a set up!
As they walk to the bathroom this guy who was sitting with his friends yells, “thanks for that trash weed bitch”, Mama gets in his face and yelled, “WTF did you say to my girl”. This guy proceeded to tell her that this girl and her mans go bar to bar trying to sell dro to people at exotic prices. PEOPLE DIE FOR SHIT LIKE THAT. Has she not seen how many people are dying in Syracuse? She laughed and said that’s life. Bitch what? A. she looks dumb cause her MANS is making her do this so he doesn’t get his ass beat, SHE DOES. B. girl you gonna do that to the wrong person and they ain’t gonna yell at you in the bar, they gonna stab you.
This girl and her mans are bar leeches. They hang around the bars trying to find people to scam like little old me. Whats so fucked is he makes HER do it, so she gets to deal with the consequences, while he goes back home to his la familia. She basically a prostitute if you think about it. He doesn’t claim her nor go out in public with her, but when he does, he makes her work.
Mama snapped on her saying A. you are gonna be a victim of a drive by shooting if you continue with this. B. he ain’t shit so why you doing HIS dirty work. C. You were gonna do the same thing to MY baby daddy over there? Mama basically told this girl if she would of done that to me, she would of been dragged across the floor like a dead fish.
Then I would get her skinny ass wanna be 50 cent boyfriend deported and shaved off her eyebrows. I am NOT the one. They wanted to match on a Dutch to ease the tension but I refused to allow my lungs to touch that garbage. So we said no thank you and bounced, while secretly adding our drinks to his tab. Thanks for the drinks scumbags!
The moral of this story is if some random person, hoe or man, tries to sell you shit in the bar, tell him to eat ass or give him the number to Pizza Hut. He either gonna rob you or send your ass to jail. ITS NOT WORTH IT! You’re better off buying weed on craigslist. This is why weed needs to be legal, so we don’t have to go threw this shit. And if you’re thinking, “no just don’t smoke weed its the devils grass” get the fuck off my blog, I am the devil and this AIN’T the place for you.
Xoxo Amanda if your reading this, YOU’RE STILL DEAD TO ME
Sir Dutches 
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