Will the real Sir Dutches please stand up?(it’s me not that poser on Insta)

I love the show Catfish. Its make me giggle to see people act like idiots then be shocked when their “online lover” is actually a 60 year old man. DO SOME RESEARCH! Facetime his ass, its not that hard. There is ZERO excuses to be Catfished in today’s social media climate. EVERYONE has a social media account, may it be a Facebook for the old fucks, Twitter and Insta for the youngings and LinkedIn for the nagging losers. Go thru that and reverse Google the photos, even my daughter knows how to do that.

With all this, you would think papi is the LAST person someone would wanna catfish people with. Do y’all realize I am legit psycho? I don’t sleep, I will Nancy Drew your ass, day and night till I find out who you are. I honestly think it should be considered a hate crime to trick someone with my adorably cute face. Could you imagine the let down? This has GOT to stop before someone commits suicide.

Mama Dutches and I did an Insta survey asking everyone if I should do an Amber Alert cause I didn’t hear from her in 2 hours. As we were going thru who responded, I noticed an account called “_RealSirdutches”. Ummm excuse me? Unless I have a bastard child I don’t know about, I am the ONLY Sir Dutches. Thank God I started my Trademark paper work months ago. Guess people ALWAYS have to steal, its sicking.

I thought maybe it was a joke, until I checked the page. Legit someone since OCTOBER 8th, 2018 has been posing as me online. Pictures from HIGH SCHOOL were included.  Even one from 6 years ago of me in my old Sbarros uniform that was on ANOTHER friends page. This mofo has been going at this for a hot minute, TALK ABOUT DEDICATION.

Their bio said “Offical insta of REAL sir Dutches” bish WHAT? I’m the ONLY sir Dutches, you like Sir Bluntville. At least they tagged my website in their bio as but still that shit rude. What happened if a new girlie wanted to tell me a juicy story to write about and they get that bum instead of THEE daddy! Talk about heartbreak! I have no clue if this was a joke, a “fan”(I use that lightly) page or someone just trying to get ass. Either way, its extra.

Whats weird is its super nice. Legit not one rude comment at all. Under each photo were hashtags that truly complimented me, but honestly sounded like someone who barely spoke English. My favorite one said “Pocket full of sunshine” umm thanks? Another one said #Scruff, again who is writing this lol.

At first this account only had like Indian and Chinese accounts following it, but then this sick fuck started to add all of MY friends. Like are you dense? You don’t think my baby girls are gonna message me about this? They are the life and soul of SirDutches.com, they will NOT allow any posers to take that away from us. Bully me, but don’t try to take food out of the mouths of my princesses. I’m convinced its some random person online that wants to get some ass using daddys face.

But what if its not. What if its some serial killer attempting to trick my friends to give them private information about me? What if its Dan Schneider, trying to get revenge after I wrote about how creepy he is. Or the NSA trying to hack my phone because I refuse to answer any call I don’t know. Most likely, its some loser who I don’t even know and now feels weird that I finally noticed them.

I messaged this account saying I don’t care if you do this because it makes me laugh, but at least delete the “Real SirDutches” part and put “Daddy’s #1 fan” or something. I don’t know what the hell this person intentions were but he ignored me so I reported it as fraud. I saw this person read my message so don’t play me hoe. I am NOT the one. A day later I got a message it was deleted due to fraud. NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

So if anyone has been messaging this account thinking its me, I’m sorry but you been tricked sis. No I didn’t call you cute and no I didn’t ask for nudes. Some weirdo in India is now showing his homies your titty pics. Your fault, not mine. Daddy NEVER asks for nudes, he only sends them.

Xoxo what if its my priest?

P.S. no it’s not me I barely have time to write my articles you think I have time for that bullshit? Boy bye.

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