Wisdom Teeth and dry sockets, a match made in HELL

I have always been afraid of getting my wisdom teeth out. Not because of the pain, but because of the stupid ass shit I would say after. Would I tell my doctor and mother about the time I witnessed a murder but fled the scene because Real Housewives was on? Or would I just make an ass of myself by singing off key? Sadly neither. Shit was uneventful. Such a disappointment. Not even the pain was good. I truly felt nothing. Such a let down.

Because I sold my soul to the devil, pain turns me on. Nothing gets me more moist than putting out a lit cigarette on my chest. Besides a little pain after the surgery, I was back to normal old daddy. Being loud as fuck and chatting like my life depended on it. People did not believe I just had my wisdom teeth done. Sorry I’m not a baby back bitch? I refused the hardcore painkillers because I don’t need to get addicted. Popping pills is NOT a cute look. Plus it could lead to an heroin addiction down the road, thank u next.

Everyone acted like this was going to be a weekend of hell. Honestly I got them off Thursday and by Saturday I was gossiping and sipping wine with the gals. My biggest fear was the dreaded dry sockets. Dry Sockets are when you get air in the wisdom teeth hole and it forces the blood clot out. This can happen by smoking, drinking from a straw or sucking a massive dick.

Mama Dutches got them when she got her wisdom teeth out and honestly it looked and sounded like hell. She smoked legit 2 hours after her surgery (idiot girl) and ate a casear salad. Girl gives zero fucks. She got dry sockets in all four holes 2 days later and for a week she was crying in pain, anything for attention.

They have to shove a tube into the hole and press air to clean it out. She said she would rather get a pap smear everyday for life then do that again. My baby girl was struggling. I hope the dick and blunt was worth it.  My ass did my research before hand. It said coconut water can speed recovery but that shit taste like box.

So I did green tea and honey, drink that everyday and you will look as young as me. I napped laying up like I was a corpse. Its amazing cause when people walk in you just have to open your eyes and you scare a bitch. They say this helps with the blood vessels I don’t know I’m not a dentist. My surgery was at noon, the laughing gas is what really made me feel weird. I felt like someone was trying to take advantage of me ,sexually, it was VERY suspect.

By 8am the next day I felt fine besides my face was puffy. I looked like I was packing a mean lip of dip. I felt so fine I even went to work, daddy’s that money motivated. Imma keep it real with y’all. Yeah I got lit later that night. Don’t judge me! At least I waited 24 hours. You ain’t my mama. The trick to NOT get dry socket is having your mouth wet like a cooch. I got gauze and made them HELLA wet. Then placed them over my stitches. Dry Sockets happen when you get dry air in the hole so if its hella wet then like physics will stop it? I don’t know to be honest I failed physics. Either way this worked for me.

Also I took little ass hits and made the blunt loose like my baby girls. If you’re nervous than you can smoke thru your nose but that’s trashy. Grow up. By today my stitches already fell out and my battle scars are almost healed besides one. I had a little yellow on one sitch but according to Web MD thats normal! I hope….. I would ask my dentist but knowing my luck there will be a fucking co-pay just for questions. BTW shout out to Dr.Thurber for this amazing work. I have a feeling he worked extra hard on me because he wanted to never see me again.

Xoxo I’m turning my pulled teeth into a cute necklace for TT, ZO ROMANTIC