I am just beyond confused every time I see the outfits dudes wear on the red carpet at another Hollywood circle jerk. Now, I am no Joan Rivers, my fashion sense constants of jeans, Jordan’s, a cute shirt and a cardigan. I’m here to be comfy AND cute. But when I see all these dudes wearing a romper or a dress like at last nights Met Gala and everyone is losing their shit over it because its “groundbreaking” & “brave” I roll my eyes back to the pits of hell.
How the hell is that groundbreaking? It looks awkward, and its not flattering. A dress is made to show off the body. It shows off the curves, the ass and the breast so elegantly. But that’s when a women wears it. I’m sorry but, when a straight guy wears a dress, its disrespectful. Sweaty hair pouring out of their chest. Giant gaps where the boobs should be. It’s like, are y’all hiding food in there? This shit was cute at a High School talent show but now, its cringe city.
I understand some people can pull this off and look somewhat good. Like Billy Porter looked like a Egyptian goddess last night and I was here for it. Or Ru Paul who looked better than Jenner sisters. But Harry Styles last night honestly made me unconformable. He wore some bodysuit off the Women’s rack at New York and Company.
He reminded me of a bitchy step mom who always wears black, because it represents her dying heart. All that was missing was a Virginia Slim and a vodka water in a Yeti cup. Meanwhile, I’m over here cringing, while the world is praising him as the second coming of Christ. Give me a break. Go praise Zendaya. Bitch was legit a fucking princess. I was stunned. Instead he is getting the attention. RUDE!
It’s almost as if the world is saying once again a guy can do it better. A guy can rock that dress better or a guy can rock those booty shorts with the thong over the hip bone better. Imma be the first one to myth bust that, IT’S FALSE! I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. It was the main discussion at my sassy moms bible study group.
Even more confusing, a dude wears a fancy cute colored suit, and everyone yells its NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Sorry they left their sisters dress up kit at home. I hate how they are shoving this on everyone else. Guys like Rami Malek and Frank Ocean were getting ripped apart for being “boring”. That’s not boring, that’s called being simple. Gay America needs to stop trying to making the world one into one big episode of RuPaul’s drag race.
I’m my opinion, the fashion world is pushing this so they can sell even more clothes, Capitalism 101. They want dudes buying dresses,thongs, assless panties, booty shorts and crop tops. Wait that men crop top life is already a thing and its truly scary. I don’t wanna see your hairy ass belly button. Cover that shit up. Manners.
And if you are thinking “wow he reeks of toxic masculinity”. GOOD according to my therapist I’m VERY toxic. Sorry I don’t want bugs crawling up my legs because y’all trying to making me wear a dress! If a man wants to wear a dress, so be it. But just know that looks hella fruity, even from my sassy ass standards. So don’t come crying to me when nobody asks your ass on a date. I warned y’all. But nooo you said “papi its fashion all the babes will love it”.
Xoxo no they won’t they will laugh and call you a girly boy
Sir Dutches 
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