As someone who’s been in trouble a lot because the cops find me more important then finding that missing girl, you have to know the in’s and out’s of the legal system. Meaning, spend a shit ton of money on a lawyer, write a letter to the District Attorney and hope for the best or be a student at SU and get a lawyer for free.
Seriously, Syracuse offers free Lawyers to full-time students. No exaggeration I was blessed. I was in trouble 3 times. 2 was bullshit, one was racist, I used my free lawyer and each time I was able to skip away free like every cute boy should in court.
But not every college offers this or if you’re like my friend you get a ticket after graduation. My friend got a ticket legit a week after so they couldn’t use the free lawyer, I would of said I cheated on my finale and I need to retake it. Lawyers are mad pricey. Wait am I dumb? So is another semester of college. God I really need to think before I speak.
Back to me, it was my freshmen year, I was with my friends doing hood rat things. We just left the pilot gas station and no I wasn’t look for some hookers. We got a dutch master and rolled up a fatty. Now this was before I was SirDutches, I could barely roll. A few weeks before I went to a party in the ghetto and was forced to learn to roll cause half the Syracuse drug dealers were there and for some reason they made the cracker do all the work. In the end I impressed them all and learned to roll good under the pressure because if I didn’t I would of died.
So, I rolled it and I’m not gonna lie, I was impressed. I showed the people in the car and after TT finish pumping gas we left. We didn’t even make it back to campus. Home girl pulls down the street and takes a right but forgot her blinker. So of course 2 undercover cop cares come out of nowhere. I was tripping balls. I hid the dutch and acted hella cool. The cops come to my side, not the drivers side. I assumed cause they didn’t want to get hit by a passing car.
Nah it was because they wanted ME, little old daddy to get out. I go, “um can I help you”. They go give us the weed and get out. I go “what the devil’s grass, I am a child of Christ, I would never!”. He goes, “we saw you at the gas station, give it to us”. That’s when it hit me, these losers were in a undercover car being mad thirsty to hand out tickets. Not today Satan!
I get out, he throws me against the car and hand cuffs me. I was literally shook. I tried to pull the innocent card and said “I am a student athlete at Syracuse University I will loose my scholarship”, he goes okay and? How fucking rude. I wasn’t playing Mr. Nice Guy anymore.
Another cop car shows up, I’m against the car in cuffs and people are driving past yelling “yoooo white boy what happened”. I go, “3 under cover cop cars for one fucking dutch”. Legit everyone in the car starts laughing. We all group laughed at the cops, they looked like such idiots. There is endless missing people and unsolved crimes and THIS is what they are concerned about?
After searching my friends car they found NOTHING. So now they started to get even ruder. I get thrown in their car and they start to tell me my life will be over if I don’t give them something. I go what do you want? For me to get more weed like WTF? They go no find us a coke or molly dealer at SU. I giggled and said no thank you I will not die for the boys in blue.
They gave me my ticket, I judge them one last time and we left. I was hella nervous at first but after googling lawyers I discovered the free lawyer at SU! I was hyped, I met him the next day, learned how its independent from SU but gets funding from them. Meaning SU will never find out.
I attended court with him in my Sunday best and luckily the judge and I connected. We went over what happened and he was more confused than me. Like why did only I get a ticket when it wasn’t my car? The judge was like wait what that doesn’t make sense. I go thank you your honor, I knew you were too smart for their bullshit. He asked if I attended college, I go of course! I wanna be a judge like you, so I can make a difference! (you always lie, find a way to connect with the judge).
He said okay case dismissed you can leave but be good. I go, “I will your honor, next time I see you it will be as a peer not as a criminal. Wow talk about a success story! The story was never in the paper or on my record. Talk about a blessing! My other two tickets were for speeding and one was on my birthday and the cop was so rude! He refused to forget it. Like it’s my birthday scum bag!
Shit like this is why the legal system is unfair. If you can afford it, a lawyer will make your crimes go away. If you cannot you are fucked. After college I got in trouble and a lawyer is fucking pricey! It was for nothing too serious, just speeding but still one lawyer for $600. That’s like 2 large pizzas and a new fur wrap.
Life is like marriage, brush everything under the rug. That’s what spending money on a lawyer is like, they help brush it under the rug. If you can’t afford that then write a bomb ass letter sucking up to the DA. This also works…..sometimes. It worked for myself and a few of my girlies. We all got really cute responses back with a reduce charge.
However my friend did the same and the DA sent back such a rude letter. It was because this was in town court. Meaning they have nothing better to do with their life. Local DA’s have attitude issues because of their bordom and tiny dicks. Don’t blame me, blame God.
Xoxo cops, fight really crimes, NOT petty ones
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