Like can my desperate friend and I ever catch a break? One day its a hep C scare that was actually eczema the next its an alert her ex was released from prison. Like does God want her dead? Let me backtrack, before the parole hearing. My girlie met this deadbeat at the gas station, gross I know right. She was looking hella cute rocking her best maxi skirt. He was looking like every middle aged dude in the Welfare office. After she pumps her gas, she goes in and gets a pack of her favorite trash bag cigarettes, Newport.
She walks out and there he is standing, smelling like a pool of bacon grease, “Hey can I bum a cig from you”. Now any normal girl would of said “ew piss off scumbag” but not my girlie. It’s like she wants to die. Asking to smoke one of her precious cigs is like buying me a new fur. This was the start of their trailer park romance. They went everywhere together, from the local laundry mat, to selling Crack, in her car obviously he’s a deadbeat, he can’t afford a car.
He actually doesn’t even have his license which is weird because he has two DWI’s. So who’s car was he driving? Ma?Pa? Kettles? How the hell do you get a DWI before you even get your licenses, scumbags are so silly like that. Always do the trashiest most. It’s like selling Crack is hella trashy but selling crack with no car is a new low. How you catching licks? Your bike?
I was suspect from the start, so I paid for a casual background check. Only $29.99 if you use code DADDY. That’s when I discovered the two DWI’s, possession charge and that he has a full blown family that is missing mad teeth, chill with the mountain dew.
His main hoe is this disgusting creature named Abby but honestly she looked like a Bobby-Jo. They have been together SINCE HIGH SCHOOL(he was 25) at the time and they have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I feel hella bad for those kids. To have one deadbeat parent is hard but to have two is hell on earth.
I told my baby girl about all this but she did the classic line “Matt that was years ago, he hates her, she’s crazy”. Okayyyy girl what ever helps you sleep at night (eyeroll). He was a cook at Denny’s so my girlie would always visit him. She begged me to go but I said hell no I would never do that to my stomach, I know my worth. Plus I know he doesn’t wash his hands, nasty ass. One day she was eating her second grand slam and in walks baby mama and the two kids.
Baby mama walked in, sat her kids down in a booth and bum rushed it to my home girl. All hell broke loose, mad hair was pulled and at least two packs of cigarettes were stolen. I had to pick up my home girl down the road because some snitch called the cops. That night my girl was ready to wash her hands of him. But by the next day she was ready to “Give him another chance”, desperate hoes are so stupid, its unreal.
However, she wouldn’t have the chance to. He called my princess and said can you get me from the hospital, Abby beat me up. So like every thirsty girl, she left work and raced over to pay his co-pay I assumed. She walks in all mom like and said, Hi I’m looking for Steve. This cop over hears her and goes I can help you with that. What are you to him. She goes “his girlfriend”(so pathetic), he goes weird, he is about to be arrest for assaulting his wife.
Plot fucking twist, I told her ass, daddy is always right and so is the background check company I use. She was floored but quickly moved on and never again went for another parasite lowlife loser. SIKE got you, you know damn well she moved on to another bad dad. He was locked up for 2 years, one for violating parole and the other for assault.
Because he was dirt poor his phone was always being shut off, so he had to learn my girls number by heart. So legit like clock work she would get calls from the prison. She would always ignore them but one time he was able to leave a message. Shit was like a horror film. He said he thinks of her all the time and she is the only thing getting him thru prison and when he’s out she’s the first person he is seeing. Um gross. No Thank You. We are super busy? Find a hobby that doesn’t include skinning my baby girl alive.
I set up to get notifications for when he got released. We had another 11 months till last fucking week when I get an alert his ass got out early. THANKS FOR THE WARNING. I called her and was like please sit….. I think your going to die.
If I wasn’t a psycho we would of never known that he was free. Does the Fulton County Prison want my Queen dead? Luckily I have my carrying permit so I will cap his ass on sight but what happens when I’m not around? Is he going to kidnap her and doing some Mormon voodoo shit with his wife? Where is his wifey now? Dead in a ditch? Guys I’m hella nervous for my queen. I put GPS trackers in all her tampons so I can track her till heavy flow time.
Xoxo keep his ass in there, I’m too busy to attend a funeral
Sir Dutches 
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