Where the hell are y’all sending your kids to summer camp?

After watching Addams Family Values, I always wanted to go to summer camp. I envisioned myself as the mean rich bitch at camp, bossing all the peasants around because MY DADDDDDYY DONATED THE NEW BOAT LAUNCH. But sadly the only camps I went to was Circus camp where one would think I would shine but instead all those losers were hella mean to sweet little daddy. No joke they were gayer than me and for some reason I was the victim, talk about a plot twist! Gangs of gays are THE WORST!

The other camp I went to was a running camp. Yeah a fucking camp where you run all week. You wake up,  run, you come back, eat then run. Then you did little fun shit then guess what, YOU RAN AGAIN. I was sore the rest of the summer. My ass was always trying to hide in the woods, one time I tried to “over sleep” but they came and beat the shit out of me with pillows till I woke up, rude asses. Let a brother sleep damn it.

So my camp experiences were pretty much booty meat(first world problems) however, it wasn’t as bad as some of these other hell holes called Summer Camps. I’m currently writing a horror film about a real life summer camp on Long Island in the 1930’s. Called Camp Siegfried and no it wasn’t named after Siegfried and Roy, it was named after a douchebag Nazi, because this was a fucking Nazi Youth camp. Yeah literally, a camp where young boys and girls can swim in the lake, play hide and go seek, fish, make arts and crafts and learn how Germany is failing because of the Jews.

What sick minded parent would send their kids there? Did no one do any research? My movie is about a young boy who’s parent sends him there to man up, immediately he senses all is not right at this normal fun loving camp. But when he uncovers the camp leaders sinister intentions will it be too late? Will they beat his ass?  Yeah shit is hella intense and mad scary and yeah TT plays a camp counselor. And if you steal my ideal, I  already sent 2  scripts to my slutty friend in Hollywood who used to blow Jon Voight so don’t EVEN try me.

So yeah this camp wasn’t the only one in America like there. There was Camp Hindenberg in Wisconisn, Camp Nordland in New Jersey and Detschorst County Club in Pennsylvania. So yeah mad fucking sequels, I’ve gotten at least 4 films mapped out so if Jon Voight doesn’t pull thru for me, SOMEONE GIVE A BROTHER A BREAK.

Camp Seigfried was so successful they started to build a planned community around it in 1936. It was a cute little town that one could live on Hitler ave or Joseph Goebbels lane. Gag me. This camp was around till the government seized it at the start of the war. I guess they weren’t big fans of young children swearing allegiance to Hitler. The community around it is still around today where is it now called Siegfried Park.In 2016 they were sued for racist practices towards new home owners, COLOR ME SHOCKED!

The next horror film summer camp was on North Fox island off the coast of Michigan. I first heard about this shit show on my favorite podcast, Crime Junkies. This camp was for at risk youth boys. These boys were so bad they had to me treated on an island where a group of older men would “rehabilitate” them. Ummm WTF.  If you are thinking wait Matt that doesn’t sound “Safe”, you are fucking right. This was an island ran by pedophiles, these parents sent their kids to HELL. Was the Catholic church ruining this camp?

So instead of trying to figure out why their children are acting out, they sent them to a place where they couldn’t even escape their misery, they were stuck on a fucking island. This camp was finally shut down after 2 boys were found dead and it was discovered mad child porn was being shot on the island. No shocker there, dumbasses. But of course the owners of the island didn’t go to jail, because the police help cover this whole island up. Why? Because the owners had a list of all the businessmen, politicians and rich sickos who visited the island. Sickos protecting sickos.

These men would pay the camp a “donation” and get to spend a whole weekend on the island. So they destroyed a child for life and got a tax write off for it, IS THIS REAL LIFE? Where was God? These perverts deff have front row seats to hell. Seriously listen to the podcast about this island, its a two part episode because they think the island ties into the Oakland County Child Killer case. So yeah shit is hella intense. SPOOKY City.

Long story short double check where the hell you kids are going. I understand a lot of your kids are annoying pieces of shit and you want them GONE. I wouldn’t wanna spend my summer by the pool drinking White Claws with nasty ass kids running around either. But sending your kids to a private pedo island for some alone time is NOT worth the years of therapy you will be paying for. Plus your kid could stab the shit out of you in the middle of the night to get revenge for you ruining his life because you wanted to have a hot girl vodka soda summer.

Xoxo this is why I order background checks on everyone I meet ❤

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