Go into debt in style, with the Apple Card

I’ve been using the Apple Card for about two weeks now and Papi likes. The actual card is made of a sexy titanium that is thick like a bitch. The front has only your name sketched in with the apple logo to the top left. Very Wee Wee. There is no card numbers on the card as well. So your trashy friends can’t write down your numbers while you go pee. So all in all this card is like the bad bitch of credit cards. Her bills ARE PAID. I got hella meowwws from waiters when they saw this card. They all wanted my number, and I’m not talking about card number. I was like run it credit babe, daddy can afford it.

My favorite thing about this card is the guilt trip it’s gives you every time you use it. Notification right away. The app is connected to the Wallet app so every time you hit that by mistake you get to see your balance. Also it breaks down your purchase into different categories and the card in the app changes colors based on what category you purchase more. Mad sophisticated. Chase Freedom could never.

Plus you can click on each purchase and see where that place is and dispute the charge right from there. In case any of your local scammers try and get your card. Mad scum bags out there. Be alert. If any lowlife does, you can change your card number right from the app. How lit is that. Try me bitches.

If you use the actual card you get 1%, via Apple Pay 2% and 3% for all Apple purchases. So Apple Music is 3% and even my iPhone upgrade program is 3%. The money is added to your Apple Pay Card as soon as your purchase clears. I almost have enough for a green tea shot!

When you have to pay your bill they break it down into a wheel to show you how much interest you will pay if you don’t pay the full amount. Fuck interest, it’s mad scammy. Pay in full y’all. Debt is a nasty disease, it’s like herpes, it keeps on growing. And you will never stop it till you pay it off or stop fucking your ex.

So yeah in the end if you need a credit card and you are a apple baby like little old me, I highly recommend this card. There is zero fees unlike nasty ass Citi Bank. Trying to play me with a 70 dollar annual fee.

You apply via the wallet app and honestly took not even 3 minutes. The card came 4 days later and all you do to activate it is….. you open the card with the wallet app open. Like yeah shit is that easy. No more calling some bum ass number. It’s some Harry Potter shit.

I just realized I am in a black hole of Apple now. iPhone, apple music, iCloud storage. It’s like a cult, I can never leave now. I signed my life away. Someone please tell my family I love them and hopefully Tim Cook will let me see them soon.

Xoxo TT’s an authorized user on my card so I get 2% on all her Newport’s!