This last weekend I was at the Cardi B concert at the Lakeview Amphitheater. It was an AMAZING time of twerking, drinking and making my father ashamed of me once again. I expected to make memories, maybe even blackout, but NEVER in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be offered an amazing opportunity... Continue Reading →
I've been using the Apple Card for about two weeks now and Papi likes. The actual card is made of a sexy titanium that is thick like a bitch. The front has only your name sketched in with the apple logo to the top left. Very Wee Wee. There is no card numbers on the... Continue Reading →
Can we ever catch a break? Like God please stop playing games with us. We are NOT a Playstation. First I have my cousin scamming kind hearted people, next I have people trying to scam my baby girl! OH hell no, I swear I need to make a reality show called "Scam Busters with Matt... Continue Reading →
Can we cancel all predatory dudes in 2019? I am so over guys being hella creepy and blaming it on being drunk. When we chop off your dick can we blame it on being drunk? Imma start recording all these dudes doing suspect ass shit to MY girlies and send it to their Mamas. What... Continue Reading →
New York plays way to much. Instead of legalizing weed and getting a shit ton of tax revenue from it, thus reviving our failing city schools. Cuomo would rather us be a welfare heroin nation to protect his buddies at the pharmaceutical industries. When I was in California it was a stoners heaven. Weed delivery... Continue Reading →
Can you wanna be bad ass suburban girlies give your mom a break? She doesn't bust her ass at work WHILE GETTING HER MASTERS, to come home and deal with your bullshit. You think her ass wants to come home and deal with you being a deadbeat, lowlife while your trash bag boyfriend is hiding... Continue Reading →
Like can my desperate friend and I ever catch a break? One day its a hep C scare that was actually eczema the next its an alert her ex was released from prison. Like does God want her dead? Let me backtrack, before the parole hearing. My girlie met this deadbeat at the gas station,... Continue Reading →
I think someone I know has a two dads fetish. Her dad is 100% straight and with a top notch wifey. But for some bizarre reason his daughter dates potential cold case murders. I'm convinced we will find out he killed Heidi Allen before we find out he really loves her. She can't be with... Continue Reading →
I am seriously alarmed at how a group of people are acting like this one former bad bitch from our past ISN'T a scary sweaty hot mess right now. I'm getting serious Amanda Bynes vibes and its NOT okay. Like am I going to have to organize the intervention or will her "friends" man the... Continue Reading →
As someone who's been in trouble a lot because the cops find me more important then finding that missing girl, you have to know the in's and out's of the legal system. Meaning, spend a shit ton of money on a lawyer, write a letter to the District Attorney and hope for the best or... Continue Reading →
Sir Dutches 