Can we cancel all predatory dudes in 2019? I am so over guys being hella creepy and blaming it on being drunk. When we chop off your dick can we blame it on being drunk? Imma start recording all these dudes doing suspect ass shit to MY girlies and send it to their Mamas. What... Continue Reading →
Oh. You’re shocked our school system is corrupt and racist, that’s adorable!
Anyone who is surprised at this College Admission Cheating scandal or how only 7 out of 800 black kids got into a elite NYC school needs a smack. I knew shit was corrupt back in elementary school, why didn't you. Y'all need glasses? We went on a field trip to a city school to gawk... Continue Reading →
Where this Momo bitch live? I wanna square up.
Can we just have a normal week? For the past few years its one shit show after another. Last year we had killer clowns running around. Now we have an internet "virus" named momo that is telling children to kill themselves. I truly thought this hot topic looking ass bitch was a joke, until I... Continue Reading →
Two dozen roses, white claws and a Tiffany necklace and they haven’t even met, is he Prince Charming or a Ted Bundy
My skinny minnie co-worker wrongly thought this years Valentines Day will consist of her eating Ice Cream while crying herself to sleep again. BOY WAS SHE WRONG. Her new bumble mystery mans surprised her at work with a Valentines Day miracle. She STILL waiting on gifts her past boyfriends promised her but "lost". Show me... Continue Reading →
Does Rebecca Black know who killed really JFK?
I love me a good conspiracy theory and this one is so bizarre, so random & I found it on the internet, so it's GOTTA be true. There are so many theories about what REALLY happened to JFK. This was probably the first OG conspiracy theory. Any Seinfeld fan knows, unless that bullet was magic,... Continue Reading →
Fame or the Military: My one year challenge
My 2019 goal is to basically whore myself all year to make it to the top, aka that guy who got 15 seconds of fame some how, so now he milks it on every "celebrity" reality TV show. I wanna be that guy who everyone collectively rolls their eyes when they announce me on Celebrity... Continue Reading →
I’m in love with my best friend and one way or another she WILL love me back
I've been best friends with my baby girl since middle school. From the first time she tried to beat my ass because I became friends with her mortal enemy, the so called "school slut". To a month later when I passed her lunch table and she said "Yoo you matt? I heard you mad funny.... Continue Reading →
Daddy’s first annual Stripping 4 the Homeless charity pole off
I love giving back to the community. From telling my girlies they caked on too much make up, to giving the old homeless lady on Hiawatha Blvd a couple dollars & a clip. Being nice just makes me feel warm inside, I think it's from Satan telling me to cut this shit out. To really... Continue Reading →
My girlie is pregnant and asked to put my name on the birth certificate, should papi do it?
Everyone has know I've wanted a kid for a hot min now. How much fun would it be to go out in matching Gucci suits with a child as rude and sassy as me. Or go to Sesame Street theme park and not look like a pedo. The place is hella lit! Now I have... Continue Reading →
Stop being lazy, go pee after sex. I’m OVER hearing you bitch about your UTI
I am honestly OVER people bitching to me about their stupidity. Bitching about how they got a rash down below because they didn't wear a condom. Or how they went back to LOSER ass ex. Or my personal favorite, how they got a UTI because THEY were too lazy to go pee. I warned your... Continue Reading →