I wanna be Gone with the Wind FABULOUS, minus the racism

Okay so mad random of me but my Apple TV recommended me to watch “Gone with the Wind” the other day and because I do what Siri says, I did. Boy can I say that bitch knows me all too well! I went into it with a stank attitude because it’s older than the 2nd amendment but by the end I was an emotional wreck, screaming for Rhett Butler to come back! We have a love story that’s a mental roller coaster, shit is all over the place! We got a civil war between brothers, action and death galore. Only thing missing was some steamy sex scenes.

As I think about how great it would be to live in this time period, the voice in the back of my mind screams RACIST. This time period was only great because of slavery! White people legit had no worries, deadass chilled all day while sipping on tea. While the slaves worked their asses off, lazy hoes like Scarlett giggled the day away and even had day naps, MUST BE NICE! I get judge for even taking a nap!

The movie starts off saying the good days went “Gone with the wind” meaning the old days drifted away like the piece of trash it was. Because sadly the good days were only FOR THE WHITES. For the blacks it was HELL so I bet they turned that fan on real quick to make that wind work faster.

This movie show a nice toned down version of slavery that makes it look like the slaves love it! They worship and respect their owners but give a little sass back, it was cute and fun! LIESS this was NOT the case, in real life that slave would of gotten their ass lashed for sassing back. According to the always true, Wikipedia, the book this movie is based on is actually WAYYY more racist.

Main girl Scarlett, who’s an feminist hero in my eyes (besides the racism) was attack by a group of blacks in the book. But thank the heavens, the KKK saved her, lmao yeah okay. Stop trying to make the KKK a thing! It’s NOT going to happen, bunch of hicks playing dress up like some sissy’s.And the n word is tossed around mad times like a rap song. Luckily they cut that shit out but still to make slavey “spunky” is soooo offensive, even for me! Y’all going to hell for that.

This movie DOES have a real life hero in the man who plays resident hottie/bad boy “Rhett Butler”, Mr. Clark Gable. Mind you this movie was filmed in the south during the 1930’s so segregation was in place and racism was the social norm. Even at the film set segregation was in place! Hollywood’s always been assholes! This was till Clark Gable found out and ended that shit REAL QUICK. That took balls and showed how progressive this guys was, a bad boy on and off the screen.

At the premiere, the black stars of the movie, including Hattie McDaniel, who would win an Oscar for her portrayal of Mammy, could appear on stage, but they couldn’t sit in the audience with whites, or attend the parties after, HOW FUCKED. The producer said he wanted the black actors there but couldn’t because of local laws. So then why have it in Atlanta where racism is rampant? Dumbass.

The producers decided to have them stay home and our boy Clark was PISSED! He threaten not to go till Hattie called him and basically begged him too, such a sweetheart. Hattie needs a movie of her life. She got movie parts but many were stereotypes of black people so it’s like yeah they were damaging to the image of black society but a girl gotta eat!

When she got backlash she reportedly said, “Why should I complain about making $700 a week playing a maid? If I didn’t, I’d be making $7 a week being one.” She truly didn’t let the BS bring her down. But sadly her career suffered because of this backlash.

Even when she won the FIRST Oscar for a African American supporting actress, she had to sit in the back due to segregation. Till this day they still can’t find her Oscar, after it was on display at Howard University. Some believe racist pricks stole it and threw it in the river. Assholes!

Random fun story! She got sued for living in an neighborhood with other black actors due to old town laws but after the case went to the Supreme Court they won! She had yearly parties there and yes, Clark’s ass was always there! I love how they were besties!

Because this is a long ass movie and y’all lazy & never wanna broaden your horizons, ill summarize it for you below, just with a bit more sass:

Basically it is about the journey of a women who had it all till the damn Yankees took it away, for the good of the Union, of course!This movie shows you how NOTHING can bring you down, as long as you’re a crazy bitch like Scarlett O’Hara.

Scarlett’s the OG silly crazy hoe who needs NO MANS to pay her bills. She’s one of those girlies who flirts with alll the BOYS, just to make one man named Ashley jealous, so pathetic! You want a man…. who’s name is Ashley Wilkes….okay lmao. At least have SOME class girl.

HOWEVER because Ashley is LEGIT nasty, he’s in love with his cousin Melanie, gross I know right… inbreed shanks. But hey that’s the south! He legit says “She’s a part of my blood, she understands me” lmao ummmm okay? No wonder these people are racist fucks.

She professes her love for Mr. Ashley but he’s like nah I’m good and leaves and then BAMN, in walks a man with the most TERRIBLE reputation, a bad boy from Charleston. He’s REAL naughty and always got a look like he’s up to no good. The old ladies say he’s a “man who lacks character”, just like me!

But thats what Scarlett needs, a real MAN not the pussy she marries to make Ashley jealous, a true baby back bitch named,Charles Hamilton. I truly rolled my eyes at this decision. At her wedding day she cried her eyes out I was like girl I’M WITH YOU!

But as always, God works in mysterious ways and her man legit drops dead. The Civil War broke out and his ass was ALL hyped to go fight and he didn’t even make it to battle lmaoooo. He got the flu and died, so pathetic her ass has HORRIBLE taste in men.

So she chills for a hot min and has to wear black for mourning. Legit in that weather, I would rather die. To get over her boredom, her mother suggested she visit Melanie aka Mr. Ashley’s cousin/lover in Atlanta. Her ass hops on that real quick and her house slave calls her out on it, it was a hoot, then you remember wait, she’s a slave this ISN’T funny.

They visit a Gala and she is beyond bored because she can’t dance(southern mourning laws I guess) but then there’s an auction and who’s to bid on her ass, but MR. BUTLER. It was so risqué because she’s in mourning! Ugh TMZ would of been all over that shit. They flirt for a few weeks till the war moves south and takes over Atlanta. Mad old hoes screaming “YANKEES IN GEORGIA”, so geeked.

Then we see some slaves singing, all hyped to help the south…. lmao yeah okay they deff acting. Prob already had Harriet Tubman on speed dial. Shit got cray, bitches die and Scarlett wanted to bounce but PLOT TWIST, Melanie is pregnant with Mr. Ashley’s baby. He makes Scarlett promise to watch out for her so she stays behind to help Melanie give birth.

Finally with Mr. Butler’s help they bounce and go back to home to Tara where everything is destroyed but fortunately not her house. However her mom died and only her Pa, sister, Pork and Mannie are left behind. She does a dramatic scream saying “I WILL REBUILD” and luckily there an intermission. Yeah this movies that fucking long theres an intermission.

After a dutch break, we’re back to Scarlett legit taking over as queen bee making EVERYONE, her ass included, pick cotton and rebuild. She was NOT about to let some Yankees take away her cotton fields. Shit was Gucci till a rogue Yankee shows up trying to rape her, she was NOT having that and POP, our girl kills him. She so independent, LOVE IT! Melanie and her come together to hide that body to not discourage the people from working, like a true capitalist.

Finally the south loses the war and the boys come home. Everyone is dead but Ashley’s loser ass and Mr. Butler holla holla! But before that the south needs to rebuild so they raise taxes and Scarlett’s hella broke so she needs to think quick. Scarlett the scammer then swindles a man into marrying her, instead of her sister and he’s loaded! Legit I envy her! She even makes a dress out of drapes just to impress him because she’s that poor lmaooo. It works and she starts a lumber empire with Ashley(pathetic) as her partner along with her husband.

Legit she’s so desperate for this man she goes into business with him. Mr. Butler calls the marriage a scam from the start but she rolls her eyes and giggles like a bad bitch. But after a group of hobo’s attack her and luckily her former slave saves her but her luck is cut short. Her mans, Mr. Ashley and crew go to get revenge when they’re attacked and her mans dies. Legit thats TWO mans in her life dead, she’s like the OG black widow! Thats why you don’t marry a loser ass boy and an old man!

After being with LOSERS she finally marries Mr. Butler but for money this time. Mannie called them mules, dressing up as show pony’s , aka they AIN’T fooling anyone. At first Manny hates Mr. Butler but after he gets her a CUTE red dress they tight. At this point you can tell Mr. Butler legit loves Scarlett but she’s still head over hills with that loser Ashley, I don’t get it. She gets pregnant and she’s still in love with Ashley like get over him girl. Ashley is mentally unfaithful but no balls to be physically unfaithful.

Scarlett starts drinking hardcore, Butler also, they fight hardcore and then brings her upstairs. I legit was like omg did he rape her, but then she wakes up all happy. It was SO weird. Maybe she just needed that good D?

It was killing Mr. Butler and he takes their daughter with him to London but comes back. Right away Scarlett and him beef till she says she’s pregnant again, he legit goes ” I hope you have an accident”, a second later she falls down the stairs! Karma? Sooo Dramatic! This movie had more drama than a Lifetime movie! It also showed that even in the Civil War era, people had domestic issues! So your parents screaming every night IS normal!

Scarlett has a miscarriage and shit WAS getting better till their daughter Bonnie fucking dies. Yeah I was shook too, this girl is legit bad luck! Butler better run ASAP before his ass die too. I’m convinced Scarlett’s cursed, some slave deff did a spell on her! Whats creepy  is that Butler chilled in a room for 2 days with his daughters dead body, weirdo!

Just when you think you can finally take a breather fucking Melanie gets pregnant and also dies! This movie is legit an orgy of death, this author truly gave no fucks with killing, way before Game of Thrones did. At her death bed, she basically told Scarlett to watch over Ashley aka you can marry him. At first she was thinking of it but after hearing Ashley say how much he loved Melanie it hits her. She NEVER loved Ashley, she loved the thought of chasing him. In reality she loved Mr. Butler this whole time! When she turns around to tell him this, she realized he bounced.

She chases after him to confess her love telling him she realizes its always been him, ugh so romantic! He turns around and basically deads her saying “I’m OVER your games, I’m going back to Charleston”. She begs him not too and says I love you! Thats when he gives the best line EVER, it honestly gave me chills, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”. OMG I was like WOAH he’s really done with this bitch. And thats how it ends!

Yeah I know I was shocked too! Like no happy ending? No cheesy kiss? That’s legit how it ends…. he leaves and now she’s gonna fawn over him like an old maid. Not impressed I was waiting for him to run back in or her to run after him.

This legit isn’t a typical movie! Home girl didn’t win in the end. She actually could of won but the man she always loved wasn’t the man she truly loved! This movie gives a bias but incredible look at the south’s point of the view of war. The fact it was made so long ago is cray because the drama is THAT juicy! Legit if you’re bored or high watch this movie because it’s long but worth it! Also watch something about slavery after to get rid of the guilt for thinking, “Wow I wish I was alive during that time”.

Xoxo THANK GOD the Yankees where coming!