In college I was a test subject in a medical study, I’m convinced that’s why I have the body of a anorexic cheerleader

College is a time of learning and attempting to make $20 bucks last a week. Shit is pricey and everyone but daddy was rich. Sorry my mom didn’t suck off a CEO? Not everyone can be like Carol. I had two jobs, one as a work study, the other as a pizza bitch at Sbarros.

Girl I can tell YOU stories about how nasty that place is. Our old boss would itch his balls while making the dough and say “the oven will kill my ball hair”. I seriously gagged and sent a mass text to my loved ones saying NEVER EAT SBARROS. They so expensive! Ball hair was an extra $2 dollars.

Even with two jobs I couldn’t afford to eat out all the time or do normal things rich kids do. Finally, I THOUGHT God answered my prayers. One day a bulletin board outside of my class had a sign saying “Make over $500 being a test subject”. Besides a number, there was nothing else. This could of been an ad for sex trafficking, but my ass didn’t care about that, I cared about getting that moneyyyyy!

So I called the ad and a nice lady answered the phone, I go “Hi is this real or is some one gonna murder me”. She giggled and said, “No my sweet Child, come on in and we’ll explain everything, bring a friend, we’ll give you an extra $50 for each one”. Y’all know I sent a mass text out for that.

So Mama Dutches, Kitty Kat, Alexis Texas and I went to this meeting, a as famILY. When we got there, we learned it was a study for a new vaccine of Meningitis. Meningitis, is an inflammation of the brain and spinal cord caused by an infection and more frequent in teens.

The lady told us basically we would get injected with the vaccine 3 times, so once a month for 7 months we would go in and either get the shot or get a check up to see how our body would react to it. They said one of us would get the placebo, meaning it was legit nothing. To see how our bodies was reacting to it, we also were giving a smartphone to tell the doctors our daily weight, temperature and how we felt.

She said there could be side effects but they were very minimal. Examples were being light headed after getting the shot or feeling tired. Among other random ones but we didn’t care about that, we wanted that check, so we signed our life’s away. Every visit we got paid $75 dollars. Even for this visit we got paid and I got $150 for bringing all my girlies. I was feeling lit!

We all immediately signed up, but Alexis Texas. When she asked her parents about it and they freaked out saying we could actually get Meningitis from this, blah blah blah. I just thought they were jealous of all the money we were gonna make, so Alexis dropped out. We all called her dumb & stupid and a broke bitch. Little did we know we were the dumb & stupid ones.

The doctors legit became our girlies. They LOVED us, we always made them laugh & the giggles were always flowing. They looked forward to our visits and we looked forward to the cash. We didn’t take this serious at all, we always lied about our weight and temperature. We barely had time for school, we did NOT have time to do that shit. So we made shit up like the dumb asses we were.

Our first sign this was something we should NOT have done was the fact that the money we made was on a “debit card” that had no banks close by. So every time we went to withdrawal our money, we got charged like $10 bucks. We could legit die here in order to make the world a better place and y’all gonna charge US! So rude!!!

Our next sign was Kitty Kat and I looked hella skinny. But we were always skinny so we thought nothing of it, plus we were stoners so there’s that lol. Mama Dutches however lost no weight, which was sad. She really wanted to be flat tummy tea fit, which is now is! She an MMA girl, so proud of my little wrestler. In the end we found out why, Mama had the Placebo and we had the legit vaccine.

Again, we wanted the money and to bounce, this place was in bum fuck, legit a 30 minute drive, so extra. So we said nothing and took our last check and left to have a shopping spree. It wasn’t till a month later when Kitty Kat and I were taking about how we both had no appetite that we realized something was up. I’m like girl is this the weed or that vaccine? We had an awkward silence and said you only live once I guess!

A year later, we had our year check up. It was then I told them about how I have zero appetite blah blah blah. They go yeah that’s not from the vaccine, people do studies like this all the time we never heard of that. I go, “Then why do I look like a concentration camp victim”.

Legit that was 3 years ago and I’m still hella skinny and have a basic bitch appetite. It’s so extra cause I didn’t need to be any more skinny, I was already skinny wtf! Why didn’t I get the placebo?! Mama Dutches and I should like switched needles! So cruel!

Long story short if you wanna lose mad weight join a test subject study! Just playing, but on a real note read EVERYTHING before you get injected! Could you imagine if I got meningitis from this shit! Me, in a wheelchair, as if! Dancing is my life!!! I couldn’t even sue if anything happened cause I signed all that paper work. I told no one in my family about it but we all know my mom is hella noisy.

Her favorite thing growing up was to legit only Stanley Steamer my room. This wasn’t cause I was dirty, no it was to have an excuse to search my room. When she found the paper work I signed she legit went nuts. Calling me and going crazy, calling my doctor and legit getting me in for a check up that day. I told him about my loss of appetite but he said it was all in my head. I go you’re a dumb ass, the only thing in my head is the demon telling me to punch you.

Xoxo was all that money really worth putting my life at risk? HELL YEAH!!

P.S. they called me 6 months later to ask if I wanted to do a study for an Ebola vaccine, I go “girl lose my number”

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